Coming back from injury is a tumultuous and emotional process (for me anyway).
You fill yourself huge amounts of hope and excitement. Yesss I can run. I can’t wait to jump ease back into training. Things start to feel very positive after so much negativity and darkness (perhaps an exaggeration, but you get the vibe).
I woke up on Saturday morning and straight away knew my hamstring was feeling pretty terrible. The plan was for Kyle and I to go to Netley as we hadn’t been in so long and I missed seeing people I used to regularly touch base with. I wanted to catch up with my friend Mike as well. Kyle wasn’t feeling particularly well but both of us, possibly unwisely, carried on anyway.
As we walked on over to the start area I knew deep down this wasn’t going to go well but I pushed that feeling aside and convinced myself a miracle would occur.
Of course a miracle did not occur. As soon as I started running it felt uncomfortable. Not quite as bad as pre-new physio but definitely not great. Ehhhh this was pants. I was glad to have no one running with me (Kyle was running solo – I didn’t want to hold him back again). I could spend my time focusing on how it felt and wondering what to do.
I was literally spiralling through so many thoughts… do I stop? Am I making it worse? Is it as bad as before? Should I push on through? And all the while I would have different people I knew overtake me as I increasingly got slower, and they’d say something along the lines of, “Either I’m running too fast or you’re running slowly!” with a chuckle.
And I don’t mind that people are overtaking me or that I’m running slowly but it just further compounded that I wasn’t running at my natural pace. I was running well over 9 minute miles. And of course there’s nothing wrong with that, but I felt I couldn’t run faster. Not because of fitness but because my injury was holding me back.
So in the end I stopped before the first mile. I found a point on the course I could quickly dash off from so few people would notice. I didn’t want someone to see and ask if I was OK. I just wanted to disappear. I was embarrassed, frustrated and angry. As I pulled away from the course I burst into tears. It was pathetic really but I just felt so frustrated and annoyed.
A lovely woman walking her dog asked if I was OK and it did feel ridiculous trying to explain what was wrong. In the end I just said I was OK and I rung my dad (who later told me having a phone call from me at 9:12 on a Saturday morning is never going to bode well…).
Kyle was still running so I just sobbed to my dad about how sad I was and how I felt panicked about Chicago and how I thought I was heading in the right direction…until now.
Eventually, after morosely walking around the cricket pitch away from the course, I headed back to the parkrun area. I didn’t want to cheer anyone on. I didn’t want to talk to anyone really. I felt embarrassed and I didn’t want to explain I was injured. I found Kyle and Mike, who’d just finished, and I explained how I’d pulled out and that I just wanted to go home. Mike understood, gave me a hug and then Kyle and I left.
Kyle was obviously lovely and we had a nice day ahead of us going to Bournemouth so I quickly cheered up. We got showered and sorted and then sat in the long traffic to get to Monty’s Burger Lounge to meet up with some of Kyle’s friends.
We’ve been to this restaurant before (over a year ago!) and we loved it. I’d recently won a burger from them as well through Instagram (they ran a competition and I won it) so it was the perfect place to meet with his friends.
I gave Kyle the free burger as I’m not a huge burger fan. The burger is called The Sinner and contains chicken nuggets, hasbrowns (which I don’t like), a 12oz beef patty, pulled pork sauce and American cheese. So pretty epic.
I, of course, had two lots of BBQ chicken wings. I adore their wings. So juicy and tasty. Probably some of my BBQ flavoured favourite wings (buffalo are still my all-time favourite).
And I also had a portion of mozzarella bites (coated in cheesy Dorita crisps!).
We had a lovely time eating and chatting away to Kyle’s friends. It massively helped take my mind off of my failed run. There are so many more important things in life and having lovely people to spend your time with helps puts things into perspective 🙂
But my hamstring thankfully feels a bit better and I hope to continue trying to run. I’m seeing my new physio again this week so FINGERS CROSSED.
Have you ever got upset about a failed run?
Have you ever had a parkrun DNF?
What’s your preference: Buffalo or BBQ wings? I’m also partial to vegan wings too – either cauliflower or tempeh, both are nice!
Aw I’m sorry this didn’t go well. I suspect I would have had the same reaction. Easy for me to say, but you need to take it as a sign that your body needs a little longer. All is not lost, you just need to go easy and keep doing your rehab. This too shall pass.
I don’t often have chicken wings, but I love buffalo sauce so that’s my choice.
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I should take after you more to be honest, you’re so good with recovery and listening to yor body. What do you have buffalo sauce on?
If we get a rotisserie chicken for dinner, buffalo sauce is the way to go!
I’m not too bad at listening to my body now, but in the past I was lurching from issue to issue as I just didn’t take the time to address problems and got stuck in a cycle. I don’t think I’m as race focused now either, I just want to get out and run. Maybe I’m turning into Martin Yelling lol!
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Oh no, this is all a bit dramatic and self-pitying, crying and phoning your dad cos you had a sore leg at parkrun ? Yes it sucks not being able to run as far/fast as you would like, but have some perspective. You will probably look back at this and laugh at yourself and count your blessings for all the good things in your life.
I actually said in the post this very thing…did you miss that part? Also I wasn’t crying because I couldn’t run “that fast” ot “that far”, I was crying more out of frustration and anger that this is still going on – perhaps an overreaction but one that I couldn’t control. I love running and love everything that it gives me: fresh air, freedom, enjoyment, exercise, something in common with good friends… so when I can’t do that it does make me down. I’m sure it would be the same for anyone who suddenly wasn’t able to do something they regularly enjoyed doing every single week. But it’s OK if you don’t have a passion – maybe one day you will too.
No need to be so bitter- if you have a blog in the public forum you gotta accept some comments ! I am a regular and competitive runner and I have had injuries and big setbacks, but I know there are bigger and more important health and life issues that people deal with every day a lot more serious than if I can’t run for a month or two. That’s what I mean about perspective, if a sore hamstring is your biggest problem, life is not so bad.
Some people are different and get sad about things you think isn’t that big of a deal. Saying it’s a bit “dramatic” isn’t the right way to start a comment by the way.
The thing about this blog is that it is to do with running so I kind of feel it’s an appropriate place to have a moan. Yes I’m not completely blind to other more important matters but at the end of the day this is my space and I’m just telling it how it is. I did put that I went out and had a good time which made me feel better and put things into perspective. If I sound defensive (bitter? No. Defensive? Yes) it’s because I think you’re being a little harsh is all.
You’ll get there: I too have done the ‘trying to return a bit too fast’ thing, and ended up howling as I DNF (but hey. It wasn’t a DNS…). Sometimes you need a wail because it’s so frustrating!
Absolutely. It’s cathartic and helps you get out the frustration!
AnnaTheApple recently posted…A failed parkrun but an epic burger
Yes it is a public forum so she can expect comments but also if you apply that logic she can then comment on how she felt about the parkrun! so what if she is upset? Why was it such a big deal to remark on it in the manner in which it was?
The point is this girl has trained relentlessly, has a big marathon looming in Chicago that probably has cost a lot of money with flights etc.
Then she turns up to run a parkrun and can’t even do 3 miles so she is most likely thinking I won’t be able to do the 26 miles. For her that is devastating with a marathon approaching. For some people, yes- being able to run half a parkrun is great but again it is all just perspective. What is a problem to you is a dream to others but so what? That is the set of cards life deals you and you play the hand you are given.
I feel for you, keeping my fingers crossed for you (and my toes)
L x
Thank you xx
AnnaTheApple recently posted…A failed parkrun but an epic burger
I’m so sorry about the injury, I feel your pain. I’m pleased your Saturday improved after parkrun.
I have lost count of the number of times I’ve got upset by a failed run. I’ve cried (in anger and proper tears), I’ve chucked my trainers away in disgust. The most stupid thing I did was smack by bad knee with my foam roller stick, it just made it more painful.
I see people DNF my local parkrun every week. One lady DNF due to injury. When she spotted me marshalling by the wooden bridge she stopped and burst into tears. I had to help her back to the start which was 500m away.
Now I don’t want to upset you 😉 but I’ve never eaten any sort of chicken wings. Perhaps I need to give them a try and report back on my blog.
Please don’t try to return from injury too soon. I made that mistake in 2006 and my knee has never been ‘right’ since. I know you wont, but I don’t want you to end up like me, constantly on the injury bench x
You’ve NEVER had chicken wings?! This is crazy! 😉
Yeah running is a funny thing. It’s hardwork but without it we’re a bit lost. It’s definiteyl an emotional thing at times and we can all get caught up in the frustration and pain.
I’m trying my hardest to be sensible and not panic. I don’t want to ruin myself for the future. If I’m not right for Chicago I won’t run x
AnnaTheApple recently posted…A failed parkrun but an epic burger
Now I have in my head the song from South Park where they sing “I’ve never seen a man eat so many chicken wings”- I think its from What would Brian Boitano do.
It’s late to comment now (esp as you’ve been to Bushy parkrun since then) but it’s totally understandable to feel upset and frustrated. I’ve not DNF’ed a parkrun but I have been to a race where I really should have stopped, but carried on and then couldn’t even properly walk after for a few days. When I was tempted to run but knew it was a bad idea I offered to volunteer instead so that I could go but could not be tempted to run.
parkrun is such a tricky one when you’re coming back from injury because you’re not your usual “sensible” self when you’re running with others. Volunteering is a good shout 🙂
Oh Anna, I’ve been exactly where you are. Crying out of sheer frustration because of an injury that doesn’t feel like it’s going to get better is where I was with my horrid injury. I completely get where you’re coming from. It’s a horrid feeling.
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