Not settling for mediocre

Another post around dating. I thought, why not as I have a few things on my mind.

I go through periods where I’m like “right, let’s do this!” and get really enthusiastic about going on dates and meeting new people. I re-install Plenty of Fish (*sighs*) on my phone and get about chatting to guys who’ve messaged me that don’t seem like a psycho/weirdo/offering a threesome.

I’ve been on some really lovely dates recently with a nice guy but sadly it just didn’t pan out. I’m not one for going into the nitty gritties as it’s hardly fair but I’ll just say he just wasn’t for me. This is much to my mother’s frustration because she couldn’t seem to understand why he wasn’t for me. Or why other dates weren’t for me. Or why men who she suggests aren’t for me.

In her eyes I’ve become too picky. I’m giving up on guys too quickly. I’m not trying hard enough. In fact this was something my friends mentioned to me the other day when I tried to explain why someone else I knew wasn’t for me despite being a) single b) around my age and c) a perfectly normal guy seemingly with his schizz together.

Before I delve too deeply into “becoming too picky” I will firstly mention that age (within reason) is actually not a barrier for me. I’m no spring chicken myself anymore and so can’t really afford to segment a good portion of the male species because they’re too old (or too young, but let’s be real here, I don’t think I’m going to attract many young’uns!).

Am I too picky though? Are my requirements for a partner too specific, too narrow and unrealistic? Maybe they are. But do you know what, why the hell shouldn’t they be? Why settle for a mediocre life? Why settle for “he’s nice” or “we seem to get on well”? Why can’t I have fireworks, explosions, rainbows and magic? Why can’t I have someone who I want to throw all my plans out the window for? Drive a million miles for? Ignore the alarm and miss the gym for?

Am I so far past it, so far gone, that I should just settle for who’s available who kind of ticks the right boxes because I won’t find better. Because I don’t deserve better.

Absolutely not. I REFUSE to settle.

Let’s be clear here. I’m not unhappy. My life is not empty. I may be alone but I am not lonely. I have a life full of excitement, full of plans, goals and ambitions. I have a fantastic network of friends and family. I actually love my life.

I am a whole person and don’t need someone else to complete me. I am not a puzzle with a missing piece. I am bloody good puzzle with all the pieces already stuck together and it looks pretty damn awesome. There may be that someone special and amazing out there for me but I’m not hunting them down and I’m not sat in a tower waiting for them to rescue me. I’m living my life exactly how I want to and if I happen to bump into “Mr Right” then fantastic. But until then, I won’t be settling.

Dating, what’s been your experience?

Am I being unrealistic?

16 Replies to “Not settling for mediocre”

  1. Given how dedicated you are, if you’re waiting for someone you’ll skip the gym for then yes, you’re being unrealistic 🙂

    But seriously, your attitude seems perfect. Only thing I’d say to be aware of is to be picky once you’ve given people a chance is fine but if you start dismissing people first, you could be single a looooong time. Not saying you do this btw, just remembering a mate who ditched someone because he wore a coat rather than a jacket (and she insisted this was the reason rather than being cover for something else).

  2. I think you’re being totally correct! How could you ever settle with someone who you’re going to be with for a long time – I’m definitely of the opinion that it’s just as good to be single until the one who gives you butterflies comes along – or even if they dont! x

  3. You absolutely positively should NOT ssettle. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you what is good for YOU. You know your heart girl, listen to it! I think as long as you are open and honest with yourself then you will eventually find the one that fits you just right.
    kat recently posted…Broccoli Cheddar Breakfast QuesadillaMy Profile

  4. I think your attitude is spot on- if you settle for someone who is just OK then you will be less happy in your life. I do think you need to give people a bit of a chance – eg try a few dates before you make you mind up as some people are slower at opening up and showing who they are.
    One of my friends was telling me some dating horror stories (basically about random guys sending her photos of their bits- I mean, what on earth are they thinking????)- she thought that she got a better match from the websites that give you longer personality tests, but one of them (can’t remember) also included matches with people who have turned off their profiles or left the site so it was a bit cheeky as you could be emailed 9 matches but only 2 of them would still be contactable.
    Maria @ Maria runs recently posted…Westmill parkrun- getting closer to all the Herts ones (possibly..)My Profile

  5. You should never settle for OK: but as long as they tick the main boxes (in my case single, solvent, not old enough to be my Dad…), then it’s always reasonable to go for a date. N ticked those boxes – and then sent the loveliest email. And my reaction was: well, I’m not sure I fancy him, but what have I got to lose? And I’m *so* glad I went for lunch with him. He’s just awesome.

    But after the first date? This is someone you’re going to spend masses of time with. And you want it to be someone you want to go home to! And you want to buy flowers for. And you want to share all the most important stuff with. So you get to be picky then.

    I get so annoyed by people who seem to put down their partners all the time. But I love seeing my friend Stuart on Facebook. He’s so in love with his wife, he sings her praises to the world constantly and consistently. It’s lovely. I wish more people were like that!

  6. You definitely shouldn’t have to “settle”! I think with relationships and friendships I know after one meeting whether it’s someone I will have a connection to and whether I want to see them again… usually my intuition works out. You have a really full and exciting life as it is and the right person will come along and make it even more exciting – anything less than that is not worth it! x

  7. Absolutely do not settle!! I believe it’s far better to meet that someone who is the right person, not to just settle for because boxes are ticked, society can put a lot of pressure in that respect. At least you’re going on dates! However, you are completely wrong about one thing… you’re not old!!!

  8. Preach. Not business in settling, that way lies regret. And as others have said, not sure you can be described as old! 😉

  9. Anna, I could not agree more. I’ve been on POF for 3 months now and was dating someone for a while who was nice. But that’s it, he was just nice. IMO there’s absolutely no point in pursuing something if you don’t have ‘the feeling’ and I know it’s not going to be fireworks forever, but if it starts without a spark, how on earth does it have a future?

    I felt bad ending things but I absolutely do not believe in settling for someone because the alternative is being alone. Dating has made me realise that I am actually pretty happy on my own, I am a whole person (as you say) with a career and ambitions. I have fantastic friends I love spending time with. Finding someone would be nice, but it’s certainly not the be all and end all of existence (sorry, bit of an essay, but this is a very relatable post!)
    Joanna Male recently posted…A non-running post: why I’ve been MIAMy Profile

  10. I think you have a great attitude towards dating. I am sure your mum means well and she just wants you to be happy with some, as I think parents think we have to be with someone to be happy. But you definitely shouldn’t settle. You deserve the fireworks and I am sure they are out there. But for the meantime, like you say, you have an awesome life.

    There are so many weirdos on the internet though. I put a packet of unopened nappies on a Facebook group to giveaway (as I didn’t want them to go to waste) and some guy messaged me saying he wanted me to be his baby sitter and change his nappies. I hope you aren’t coming across weirdos like this!

  11. You sound exactly like me 9 years ago. And Plenty of Fish is actually how I met my husband. It’s much better to be alone and happy than miserable in a relationship. When you meet the right person, it will just click and you will know it. As long as you are open to meeting different kinds of people, then no one can “accuse” you of being too picky. I mean- this is your life partner we are talking about here. If you are ever going to be picky, this is the thing to be picky about.
    Elizabeth C. recently posted…Parks Half Marathon: Race/Workout/Experience/LessonMy Profile

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