This was the title of a BBC News article online. But this is also my life. Is this so shocking? I guess if you’d have asked me this 10 years ago I might have been concerned, shocked and disappointed with my life. Jesus, 30 years old, AN ADULT, living at home WITH MY OWN PARENTS.
Someone at work leaned over to me and pointed to this news title and went “ooof imagine that”. But I replied, “well that’s me and I don’t actually see the problem”. I was quite happy to say I wasn’t bothered and that I’m enjoying life. I’m very happy right now. It was a big decision that I made over a year ago, but one I’m 100% content with and have no regrets about.
I first moved out about a year after I finished university. I moved out with my fiancé. We bought a house, we got married and we lived there for about 2 years. The marriage didn’t last and we separated, amicably. We sold the house and split the finances 50/50 and went our merry different ways. I bought a flat and lived there for about a year. At the time I was working in a job I really wasn’t enjoying. I found another job that paid significantly less. We’re talking a 13k pay cut, yes really.
I was very well paid in my previous job but the money wasn’t enough to make me happy. Though I could continue to afford to live in my flat on my own I would be limited to what I could do. I wouldn’t really be able to go on holiday and I would have to monitor my money VERY carefully. Quite the change in lifestyle.
My parents very kindly offered to have me move back home and I could then rent my flat out. This meant I could continue to pay my mortgage but also buffer up my salary so this difference in money wouldn’t be that great. So I moved back home.
I am in a very fortunate position in that I get on extremely well with my parents. We can easily hang out together and have long chats about just about anything. We go to the cinema together, for food together, go walking, go shopping. I enjoy spending time with them. I get their opinions and advice on big and small things. But they ask for my opinion and advice too. I genuinely love spending time with them. Even after I moved out I would speak to them daily and see them most weekends. I never wanted to move too far away from them.
I won’t lie. There was an initial time that I felt like I’d failed at my life. I was embarrassed when I told people what I’d done. I was embarrassed when people asked me if I’d be seeing my parents for Christmas and having to explain, well yes, like every single day. But I got over it when I realised, firstly no one really cared, and secondly I’m still independent and I’m happy. Crucially one of my main focuses in life is to be happy. I mean, if I’m honest, my parents should really make my life a little bit uncomfortable to encourage me to move back out… I’m working on it!
I think the important part is the mutual respect, love and understanding that we all have to each other. My mum does not do my washing. My parents do not cook me dinner. They do not buy me food. I have my own fridge out in the garage. I come and go as I please. Of course I treat them and the house with respect. I clean up after myself. I let them know when I’ll be coming home so they’re not surprised. I give them space. They give me space. I maintain a level of independence and self-sufficiency that means I don’t feel like I’m 15 again.
I love living at home. I mean, I loved living in my flat too, but there is something so lovely about coming home to people rather than an empty house. It’s nice that Alfie gets a garden. It’s nice that I can leave him with them when I go out and not worry about him being left alone. And likewise, my parents like that I’m there looking after the house and dogs if they’re not in (they have three dogs).
I could go on. My point is: I’m 30 and I live at home with my parents and this is not a problem. It’s just a stepping stone.
When did you move out?
Do you get on with your parents?
I think too many people associate living with parents as a sign of “failed to make it on your own” and don’t really consider much else. I would enjoy living with my parents, and probably will have to for some time when I one day move back home to Denmark.
There are many places in the world where it is common to live with your parents even at an age older than 30 years. In Southern European countries like Spain and Greece, I believe it is normal you live with your parents until you get married.
I am an expat living in Beijing, and in China, it is normal to have your husband’s parents living with you (they typically also bought the house or apartment for the son). They are an important part of the family and help with taking care of children and cooking food.
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I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all- in many cultures people would live together all their lives, and think how lovely it is to have grandparents living with their grandchildren and so on. I lived at home through uni and although some people thought it was strange, I didn’t really want to move out, and I could come and go as I fancied (like you, with consideration). I moved out when I was 24 I think? My brother still lives with my parents now and he is in his 30’s, but it’s lovely for my mum especially as Dad is often away so then she isn’t home on her own in the evenings.
I do get on well with my parents too- if they are around I see them most weekends, usually for parkrun and a Saturday breakfast/brunch, and it’s such a relaxing start to the weekend. I wouldn’t want to live too far from them either.
I think I moved out the year after I finished uni too. I don’t see the problem with living with your parents though so long as everyone is happy.
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I think it’s better to make the responsible decision rather than to go into debt or ruin yourself financially just because of what others might think. So many people are frivolous with their finances that it’s refreshing to see someone act so responsibly!
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