Done being sensible

I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions or “new year, new me” mantras. But I do think it can be useful for people for motivation and some self-reflection.

I’ve definitely done a bit of self-reflection the past few weeks. There’s nothing like being single during Christmas that can make you think a bit more about yourself, I assure you.

In general, I’m quite a positive person. I don’t allow myself to wallow or sink into dark thoughts. I find other things to focus on and I have a solid family and friends unit who pick me up (or tell me to stop being so self-indulgent). I say this a lot and I truly believe it, I’m very lucky and have a fantastic life. I have a family who I can always fall back on emotionally and financially. My mum makes me feel beautiful, loved and boosts my self-esteem. My dad gives me sound advice, supports my crazy running adventures and will always be honest with me (he’s never afraid to tell me when I look rubbish, am being a pilock or need bringing back to earth). My sister is always there when I need those ‘girlie chats’ – boys, beauty and life, you know what I mean.

But I’m only human. Being single is pants. Granted, I haven’t made a huge amount of effort to “get out there”. I’m not a clubber, I don’t go to bars, I don’t use online the free dating apps and I’m not quite at the point to pay for the more “quality” ones. And in this day and age, you won’t bump into your soulmate at the supermarket. Sometimes in my lowest and most self-indulgent moments I wonder, “what’s wrong with me?”. I know, I know, it’s pathetic and I’m not asking for pity or people to say “oh but Anna you’re lovely!” like my mum would. I’m just genuinely reflecting on the fact that I’m not a complete mess of a person and have a solid life, yet I’m sat watching everyone around me jump on a train I don’t have a ticket for. I don’t even know how to buy the damn ticket.

So this year I’m going to become a bit more of a “yes person” and stop following the straight and narrow road.

Basically, I’m a sensible person. [I say “sensible” here but I know a lot of past events have shown I’m actually not that sensible because I’m quite the idiot. What I mean is I’m not a spontaneous person]. I don’t really do crazy things (New Year’s Day aside…). I work hard and I save, something I’m very lucky to be able to continue to do now I live at my parent’s and have rented my flat out despite being on a smaller salary. I have goals and plans for this year but mostly surrounding running (Dubai… New York… Jersey ;-)). But I think a lot before I plan on going anywhere and over-analyse everything to the nth degree. I cost everything up, I work it into my budget, put it in my spreadsheet, ponder and hesitate.

Above all, I make sure my savings remain solid. Other than my unruly leggings habit, I really hate spending money. My father would call me “tight” but being single means you are your own means. If I lost my job I lose my income (well, not strictly true now that I’m renting my flat out but you know what I mean). I know my parents are there for me, but having a large savings is my safety net and cotton wool.

But I’m fed up of doing everything by the book and being sensible. I need to go and do something a bit “non-Anna” and throw caution to the wind. I don’t mean spend all my money and live life without a thought for the future of course…but I also shouldn’t sit on a pile of money that is essentially doing nothing. I don’t have any plans to upgrade my flat or move out, buy a fancy car, have a baby.  Without getting too morbid here, I could die tomorrow. What am I waiting for? Clearly I have no ties, no children and am armed full of independence. The time is NOW.

Basically what I’m saying is, I want to stop waiting for something that might not happen and just go and live life to the full. On that note (and trying, but probably failing, not to be have a stereotypical “omg need to find myself” moment), I’m off to Bali in April. A non-running, chill my mind out kind of holiday. Go alone but with a group of strangers. Find a bit of peace in my buzzing brain without using running as a distraction. But in general, for this year, I intend to take each day as a precious gift that I’m alive and I’m a strong, independent woman. My life is now and I’m not waiting for anyone or anything.

*Cue Beyonce*

Have you ever felt a bit… lost?

Have you ever been to Bali?

Are you a saver or a spender?

8 Replies to “Done being sensible”

  1. At the beginning of 2011 I was feeling a bit lost – and pulled myself together, paid for a membership to Guardian Soulmates, and decided to say yes a bit more. I also, in a fit of silly, advertised for a boyfriend on facebook…. weirdly, by the end of the year, I’d met N (not via facebook or Soulmates – but I did have some nice evenings out on that, and am still FB in touch with two of the chaps). Oddly, N fufills all the requirements of my facebook ad except ‘tallish’. He’s just normal height 🙂 But, it was weird, 7 years later, seeing that pop up in my memories!

    Bali will be lovely. Part of me misses solo travelling. Most of me loves having someone to share with.

    I tend towards saving: but I am very good at finding bargains (oh, how I love eBay). And I have too much yarn.

  2. When I saw my poorly friend last month he told me to stop feeling sorry for myself, to get off my arse and to live life more. Life is short and I feel I’ve wasted the last 10 years. What’s the saying, you can always make more money, but you only have a set number of days to make memories. He also told me he now regrets spending his life being a workaholic and saving for his retirement. Although he’s now got loads of money, he’s too ill to spend it.

    Have I ever felt lost? Erm, yes! All the time. I’m still feeling a little lost at the moment. Hopefully I’ll feel more positive when I start my job and meet new people.

    I’ve never been to Bali but know a few people who have. You’ll love it out there. I’ll be saving as much as I can this year as I want to do something similar before I’m 40 :-O

    I used to be a spender but since starting my PhD in 2011, I’ve turned into a saver. I now cringe when I look at what I used to waste my money on.
    Emma recently posted…My running goals for 2018My Profile

  3. Mate, you’re awesome and there’s deffo nothing wrong with you! I totally know what you mean about it being hard to meet someone, and so frustrating. Have you tried dating apps? They can suddenly throw the right person to you, if you go into it with an open mind and see it as a learning, personal development kind of thing as well as a way to meet someone… And also keep a sense of humour! Tinder and plenty of fish are the ones I’ve found best.. there will be so so many people not up your street but there will be guys who u think ‘hmm, we’d never have met in real life but we have tons in common and get on well’ and even if you don’t fancy them, well, it’s good practice…
    Have you ever met anyone through running? You are such a social runner, wonder if you could expand on this and use it to your advantage…
    Aaaanyway, you are a really strong, independent person with tons of get up and go, you don’t need to go mad, just keep being you and open to doing new stuff. I think everyone feels lost all the time even if they don’t say or hide it behind a social media tastic life, so it’s reassuring and good to hear you being honest but proactive about your feelings.
    Anyway, I love reading your blog like the weird stalker with no blog that I am… Happy new year!

  4. Bali sound fantastic! I would much rather spend money on experiences rather than things- something I got from my Grandad as he was quite an adventurous traveller. Although after moving house and basically doubling our mortgage payments, we have only realised quite how much disposable income we used to have! I don’t think I am a huge spender as I’m not into fashion or handbags or shoes (only trainers…), don’t drink or go out drinking or clubbing, but I do treat myself to things (fancy loose leaf tea!). I do save some money each month, but mainly save towards holidays or spend money doing things I suppose.
    As for the dating, it must be so hard. One of my friends is constantly dating people from websites- she did say that once she paid she got a higher calibre of date- not sure if that is anything scientific though! But then quite a few of my friends are now married after meeting people through online- I think it’s often the way now as everyone is so busy, and also who wants to be going out to bars all the time? My friend has the most cultured dates (going to see the wildlife photography exhibition at the Natural History museum) and gives me ideas of things the two of us can do. So if you meet people like that at least you are not just drinking a coffee or whatever. That’s gone off on a tangent (as usual), but really, go for it is the main message I’m sending!
    Maria @ Maria runs recently posted…Snow, stollen and several mudbathsMy Profile

  5. It’s like I am reading one of my own blog posts from 10 years ago. I used to be in your exact same spot in life. Really sensible, saving a lot of money, very purposeful with all of my decisions and travel. And I think I even wrote a similar blog post about wanting to be more spontaneous and less rigid with things. Ten years ago I was single with no prospects. I think it takes awhile to meet the person you are meant to be with. I know that you will find that person. Online dating can be exhausting and really emotionally trying, but as you said, you probably won’t meet your husband at a supermarket, so online dating sites are really a good option for finding like minded people. Great post, Anna. I love your soul searching.
    Elizabeth C. recently posted…New Year, Cold Day 5KMy Profile

  6. Bali is amazing, I went in September and I came back feeling so relaxed and amazed at the beauty of the place, the people and culture. We didn’t go to find ourselves either but to do a small bit of travelling rather than just go on holiday and it was great (and I did also find a little perspective) . Are there lots of trips being booked as per of the holiday?

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