I just need a moment

My blog posts have been a bit sparse lately. Maybe no one’s noticed but for me it’s become fairly obvious.

I love my blog and will continue to write it as long as it makes me happy. If no one reads it, that’s OK. I like documenting things and having memories of times to look back on. But lately I haven’t wanted to write.

My lack of running means a lack of content I suppose. And while I could write about what I’m getting up to, it isn’t really what I want to write about. My blog is about running. My life used to contain so much running, but recently my injury sagas just seem so never-ending that continually moaning and whining is just rubbish to read.

Oh hey Anna is injured again. Oh wow Anna is still injured. Oh look Anna is still moaning and whining. Get a grip.

When friends ask how my running is or how the injury is they do that thing where they look a bit sad, give me a pity smile and say something vague like, “oh dear, hopefully it’ll get better soon”. And what they’re really saying is, “let’s talk about something else because frankly this is boring”. I know it’s boring.

I know my friends don’t want to hear about my injury or lack of running. I know this. I try to skim over it with some optimism that I don’t really feel so the conversation can moved on to something else and so no one has to deal with injured Anna.

But I feel so down. I feel so completely and utterly down.

It’s been almost eight weeks that I haven’t run. Now I know there will be people out there who have far worse situations with their injuries but that is ZERO consolation to me. I’m very sorry for your injury but this is my blog so it’s only fair I can moan here. I need to because right now I feel like screaming.

Every morning I wake up and I test my knee. I see how it feels walking to the bathroom, walking down the stairs, throughout the day at work, walking Alfie. I wake up in the middle of the night and before rolling over to go back to sleep I’ll bend it, move it – what does it feel like?

It’s exhausting how consuming this is and I know I sound crazy. Running is so much a part of my life though. Obsessed? Maybe. But before this injury it was something I’d do 4-5 week, I’d see friends at parkrun, I’d have races planned in the calendar, runches to break up the work day, exciting food spots to finish long runs planned, long conversations about a negative split that I’m proud of.

Don’t tell me this isn’t going to last forever. Don’t tell me next year I’ll look back and laugh. I’m sat here living this right now. Don’t tell me start swimming or cycling. It’s not the same.

Let me scream into the void about my frustrations. This post isn’t about asking for help or advice. I don’t need someone to try and give me a solution. I just need to vent. I want to sit and cry. Cry for the lifestyle that I used to be enveloped in. Cry for the world I’m not allowed to be part of right now. Cry at the unfairness that some people can run without issue and some people cannot.

Let me do that without making me feel like it’s not worth crying about. Because for me, it is.

4 thoughts on “I just need a moment

  1. Anna … I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this crap! I won’t say any of the usual stuff because I know it won’t make it any better BUT in the meantime maybe you could consider blogging about other topics that you enjoy? Maybe talk about your favorite restaurants, holiday traditions, recipes to cook, or movies that you like to watch? Running is a major part of your life but it isn’t everything!

  2. I can completely empathise. I know exactly how you feel from when I had my injury last Summer. I completely withdrew because I hated seeing other runners. You know where I am if you need a chat/moan x
    Rebecca recently posted…Hitting A BlipMy Profile

  3. I’m not as speedy a runner as you, but I know exactly how you feel. Running has always been a massive part of my life and I miss it. Cycling is not the same and I hate swimming with a passion. Friends and family have stopped asking about my running injuries. I’ve been injured so many times I suspect they’ve got bored of my predictable responses and reactions.

    Keep on writing and blogging, I enjoy reading your blogs. Without sounding horrid, I like knowing that I’m not the only person who does the ‘how is my knee’ test every morning. You are not alone!

    So write about what ever you want to write about. I’ve shared some real ‘drivel’ on my blog recently. I did worry that the lack of engagement and comments etc was because people have got fed up with reading about the same old stuff. Then I looked at other blogs and realised that people don’t seem to comment and engage as much.

    xx

  4. Big hugs. Not being able to do what you love is the most frustrating things in the world. So vent. Your blog is for you: we’re along for the ride and to wave pompoms/pass the gin.

    You’ll get sorted. Just not quickly enough for your liking (it’s so often the way).
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