I know so many people who would cringe and run in terror from such a thought. Moving back home after being free and independent for so many years. What am I doing?
After having now lived at home, yes with my parents, for almost four weeks now I feel like I can reflect and give some thoughts on this now. These thoughts might change after months of living there (dare I say after a year? Long-term plans are semi-hazy right now). I haven’t lived at home since I finished university. From there I saved up (with my then partner) to buy a house and we moved out. It has been five or six years since I lived at home. A lot has changed.
Firstly, no my parents don’t make me dinner. I buy my own food and, like being at university, have my own fridge shelf and my own cupboards. I don’t eat their food (unless they’re not going to eat it before it goes-off) and they don’t eat mine (my food never goes off, I’m the queen of no waste ;)).
I have my own bedroom and my own bathroom. Yes, I’m very lucky to have parents who are a) so generous and b) privileged in their life (they both have and continue to work hard to earn this).
They also don’t do my laundry. Or clean my bedroom or bathroom (though they do have a cleaner that does the bathrooms…again, my parents both work and decided a while ago to spend money rather than time on these things). I maintain as much independence as I can. I tidy up after myself, I do jobs around the house, I look after their dogs and they look after Alfie.
It goes without saying that I’m very lucky to have parents that I get along with and who are very generous and accommodating. I will add though that my mum couldn’t be more pleased that I’m home. My dad is as well but my mum… another level.
During the week I don’t really see that much of them. Four days a week I’m out of the house before 6am to go to the gym and I get ready for work there and I eat my breakfast at the office.When I get home I walk Alfie and then make my dinner. If my parents are cooking dinner, I’ll wait until they finish as it’d be far too hectic and chaotic in the kitchen. This just means I wait for a convenient time to slot in. I don’t mind and try always to give my parents priority.
Then they head off and do what they do in an evening and I head off and do what I do in an evening. That might be me going somewhere with friends (far more easy now that Alfie has company) or chilling in the conservatory with YouTube, a TV programme or blogging etc. before I head to bed around 9ish (I get up ridiculously early).
At the weekend I’m usually off somewhere seeing friends, out running or something like that, but on the odd occasion I’m not doing anything it’s actually nice to potter around the house and have company. Or go on a walk with all the dogs. Don’t get me wrong, I loved living alone and I don’t mind my own company but it’s actually really nice to be around my family again…I’d ring my parents probably every day so to speak to them face-to-face, even just about how their day went, is really nice.
So I’m very happy right now. Obviously there will be bumps in the road ahead but so far things are great. The small voice in my head that tells me I’m a loser or that I’ve failed or wonders about what friends I went to school with think has quietened down. It’s still there and I still get embarrassed when I say “I live with my parents” but do you know what? I’m a million times more happy and if someone thinks that’s laughable or silly or pathetic then I don’t have time for them. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff and not be happy.
When did you last live at home?
Could you live with your parents again?
Do you like your own company?
13 Replies to “Almost 30 and moving back home”
I had a brief period at home between University & getting a permanent job in London. It was far more relaxing than my teenage years were! Apart from borrowing the car (I have only briefly owned my own car – Mum’s old car. Otherwise we sort of share, and, indeed, are still sharing owing to the fact Mum hasn’t driven due to ill health for a while, so I have custody for the time being. Brilliant!)
I love my own company. But too much of it is very bad for me if I’m not in a positive state of mental health…
Yes this is exactly it. I’m no longer a teenager so life is far easier. We’re all adults and can compromise and be sensible about things.
Yeah alone time can be great but can also be bad 🙁
I lived at home (working in London) for about a year and a half after uni, did two years in London, came back for 3 months, did another 18 months in London and I’ve now been back home since January because I’m saving to buy and it would be stupid not to make the most of it and my parents are nice enough to let me!
My parents do cook my dinner, they buy my food and they do my washing and but I also do the same for them and I think it would massively over-complicate things if we did it all separately, so it’s swings and roundabouts!
I get on really well with them though and they aren’t showing any signs of kicking me out any time soon (I hope!) To be fair, I think it’s actually pretty commonplace and if it helps you at a certain point in your life then it’s nothing to feel bad about – and it’s not like I’m just bumming around and scrounging off them with no job or anything!
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I think it’s fine if you they cook dinner etc. I just don’t really like what my parents eat and they tend to get in at different times to me so it’s just easier for me to sort myself 🙂 it’s great your parents are happy too!
I think it is great that you have settled in so well. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your parents too. I haven’t lived at home since I moved back down South 9 years ago (9?! How did time go so quickly!). I lived at home until Matt and I moved into our flat in 2010 and haven’t been back for longer than a night (usually at Christmas) since.
I like my own company but can get bored on my own sometimes.
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I guess it’s quite lucky I always stayed living close by to my parents otherwise it wouldn’t have been possible!
When I was around your age (god that makes me sound old lol!) I was going through a divorce and had to move back in with my parents. They spend half the year abroad now they’re retired so it worked out ok. I wasn’t in a great place so they wanted to look after me and I was happy to let them. I paid “rent” to cover food, etc but was still able to be independent while I got my life sorted out.
I stayed with them for about a year and a half, during which time I met my now husband and ended up moving into his flat.
Now I’m only about a mile or so away from them and we go on holiday to their holiday home every summer so I get a couple of weeks of living with them, albeit in a different country.
You and your parents are clearly close, so I’d say just enjoy the time at home while you consider what you might want to do in future. Things can change a lot and life has a funny way of surprising you!
This really makes me happy hearing this. I hope my life goes in a similar vein! 🙂
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I think around here it is common for people to live with their parents until well into their thirties as moving out is so expensive- if a small flat is £280+ then if you are on your own it’s even harder to get a mortgage. I lived at home all the way through uni and then moved out in my second year of teaching as we’d saved up by then and found somewhere, but my brother moved back home after uni and is still there now. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it and in other cultures people would stay home for life anyway, or close by.
I am very good at occupying myself- I do like to just potter about, doing little jobs or gardening, listening to podcasts and things like that. Some people get fed up in the summer holidays but I can fill my time easily!
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And I still have my flat, I just don’t live there. So I don’t feel I’ve regressed, just taking some time to assess! 🙂
I had a year or so back living with my parents when I was in my mid 30’s. Old relationship ended and I couldn’t afford to rent and pay mortgage on my old house. It’s not sad, just sometimes it’s the right option. Good for you. Main thing is you’re happy!
Exactly. I’m very happy right now, long may it last!