…is doing something over and over again, expecting a different result. That’s me right now. You might be able to guess where this is going. It can hardly be a surprise and you’re probably as bored as I am about the whole thing. For that I can only apologise, but I assure you no one is more fed up of this than me.
Running and me are taking a break. I’m pretty sure it’s long overdue. Injury after injury. I’m so tired of it all. I’m tired of dreading every run. How will it feel? What’s going to go wrong? And even when it goes OK I still wonder how long will it be before I’m injured again. The injury I have at the moment, which is gradually going away, is merely the straw that broke the donkey’s back.
I was thinking about it over the weekend and I was surprised at how unstressed I was about not running at the moment and how I actually wasn’t missing it. I’m not training for a race so there are no worries. But I let my mind wander to what my feelings would be if the weeks continue and I’m still not running. My heart started to race and I felt myself getting stressed.
My dad asked me why I run, I say “because I love it and enjoy it” and he replied “are you enjoying it at the moment?”. Honestly? No. And I haven’t properly enjoyed it for a while now. I loved the Berlin marathon but every run leading up and the runs after have been tainted by injury or the worry of injuries to come. This isn’t fun anymore.
So I’m going to take a break from running. For how long I have no idea. It might be weeks or it might be months. Deciding this feels like the world has lifted off my shoulders, which in itself says something really. I’m almost certain I will defer London. I want to run London confident and happy after running strong the months before. And, my current injury aside, even if I was running well at the moment I would still feel the same as my head is in a rubbish place – the doubt and the fear is constant. I’ve begun to resent running. I resent how much it consumes my moods and makes me a rather awful person to be around when I can’t run. And it’s not just the marathon, it’s running in general. At the moment I have absolutely no desire to run. The love and enjoyment has disappeared.
I’ve joined a gym (again) and I’m going to do classes, like circuits, spin and body pump, and use the rowing machine (which I always love) and other machines and just do whatever I fancy there. Right now I don’t want to think about running, training plans, marathons, races or injuries. I just want to exercise with abandon – feel the endorphins and sweat. I don’t run to lose weight (ironically I’ve lost weight not running – how weird is that?), I exercise because there’s something so primal and basic about it. You feel accomplished, invigorated and on top of the world. If running can’t do that for me right now, I’ll find something else that will.
The sad thing about this is it’s all so repetitive (I’m sorry). I was in the same position last year and similarly decided to take a break. I think my issue before though was I got back into running as soon as I could and went straight into marathon training for Paris in April and from there it was a spiral of constant running and injuries. This time I just want to do whatever I fancy without any time frames, limits or goals. Who knows, London might still happen but I have no ambition to train for it at the moment or in the coming weeks. I want to go to the gym, sweat it out, get strong and feel good. And hope my love for running will return at some point.
Have you ever felt ‘enough is enough’ with something?
Have you got fed up with a type of exercise?
Are you injury prone? If not, what’s your secret? 😉