So far 2015 has been a strange year. I started the year just getting over an injury and generally fed up with running. I gave it up for a bit and focused on gaining strength in my body.
Unlike previous injuries and times off from running, I didn’t just replace one cardio for another. I truly focused on strength training: deadlifts, squats, press ups, core work etc. Since January my body has become stronger and I’m back running without issue. This is the longest stretch of consistent running I’ve ever done without picking up an injury. I can see and feel that my legs are stronger. I find myself wanting to look like Jessica Ennis-Hill rather than a Victoria Secret’s model (which let’s be honest could never happen!).
Jessica is strong and her body just exudes that strength and determination. She’s a true role model. Strength in the body takes hard work and I’m happy to continue to put that in if it means I can run happy and healthy.
But it’s not just my body that’s getting stronger. As a person I’m realising how strong I am. I never thought I would be almost 27 and back, in some ways, at square one. Ben and me splitting up crushed me. My world crumbled around me and I was lost. I had, and still do have, a great sadness inside me and if I think too much about what could have been, should have been, and the reasons why…well it’s hard. But my life isn’t over.
These past few months have shown me parts of myself that I didn’t realise were there. I can be alone and not be lonely. I can be alone and be happy. It’s made me realise that I am a whole person and I don’t need someone else to “complete” me. I’m not ‘Ben-bashing’ here because I don’t regret the time we had together – we have so many fantastic memories and we grew as people together. We enriched each other’s lives and I’ll always be thankful for him and the time we did have. There will be no bunny boiling here. There is no drama.
I’m also not going to be burning my bra or singing Beyoncé songs to the moonlight about how I “don’t need no man”. But likewise I shan’t be watching endless Sex and the City episodes and desperately waiting for that special “Mr Right” to come along and sweep me off my feet and “complete” me.
No. I’m OK as I am right now. I know what makes me happy and I make sure every week I find that happiness. It might be silly things like having a lovely walk with Alfie on my own, or going out for dinner with friends, running a race, or eating cake (hell yes!), but I’ve realised that happiness isn’t that hard to find.
Obviously this isn’t how I thought my life would go, don’t get me wrong. University, career, marriage, possibly kids…I had my ducks set in order. But life happens and you just have to roll with it. I still don’t entirely know how my future will pan out, but I do know I will find happiness along the way.
How do you find happiness?
Where do you get your strength from?
Who’s your role model?