It’s OK. You can come near again. I’m past my initial I HATE THE WORLD bad mood. Personally, it’s only for so long I can maintain that level of enthusiastic annoyance and self-loathing.
I had lot of lovely Tweets, comments and reassurances from people about my injury which I really appreciated. Thank you. This is why I love the running (and blogging) community so much. Because even when you’re down and out for a bit, they’ll always try to lift you up. This is always clear as well when Ben comes to parkrun to volunteer, despite not being able to run. You’re a runner even when injured.
I saw Kyle (my coach and sports massage therapist) and he speculated that it’s the IT band. But it’s strange that it just happened out of nowhere so maybe I twisted awkwardly without realising or something.Lots of massage and some tape to help blood flow and it’s improving each day…fingers crossed it’s a blip then.
I know my situation isn’t the worst in the world. I’m grateful for any run I get that goes mildly well. Since so many injuries this year (*sighs*) and Ben’s horrible injury woe I fully appreciate any running. I also know I’m healthy and fit in comparison to many ‘normal’ people. I have no illness, life-threatening disease or terminal illness. And when I say I’m injured, really I mean “I can’t run for a bit because my knee hurts”. I can walk just fine.
And speaking of Ben, I know I really shouldn’t complain, moan or whinge. In some respects it’s a good job he’s in China: he can’t hear my pathetic complaints. I haven’t actually told him about all this. Internet and all things social media are pretty closed down over there so what I tell him is what he hears from me basically. Before you think I’m a terrible wife, I haven’t lied. I just haven’t mentioned it. All sounds rather illicit doesn’t it? But in truth, I’d rather not worry him about something like this while he’s away – especially when his own injury issue is so much worse than mine.
My dad, bless him, has had to deal with a lot over the past few months. We sometimes drive together to work (yes we work at the same company, God help us both) and he’s become my psychological coach. He often remarks that he’s genuinely tense before I get in the car with him as to how my latest run went, indicating what frame of mind I’ll be in (imagine the weeks leading up to the Berlin marathon…poor man). Recently he’s been quite relaxed and happy as my running has been going well. Getting in the car on Monday morning though he had to pick up the pieces. I hadn’t had anyone really to physically talk to about my latest running injury properly and I sort of went into melt-down mode on the way to work. He did a great job in talking things through logically and rationally and helped bring me back up out of my wallowing pit of despair.
He doesn’t run. He’s not that fit but he does try to do lots of walking (another Vivofit convert). He also appreciates my love for running. And he loves football and supports Liverpool FC quite passionately. He therefore knows disappointment in sport quite strongly too.
He often tells me about different footballers and their injury woes. The latest guy he told me about was Daniel Sturridge who had been on the bench due to a calf issue, then when he was allowed to start training again strained his thigh…then recovered, then strained it again. These guys are playing football as their career. Their livelihood depends on their fitness and the state of their body. It is likely that the management will see this footballer as a risk and a weakness, and perhaps his contract won’t be signed again.
Suddenly things for me don’t look so dire. I love running with all my heart but my life isn’t over without it. And of course not for a few days or weeks! Our mortgage isn’t dependent on me running. Sure it’s depressing and sad, but it’s not the end of the world.
I’ve got to keep things in perspective. I’ve had a lot of injuries. This year for me, you must agree, has been epically pants. The only two good things (in terms of running) have been the marathons. BUT if I had to choose between a year of no issue-running but no marathons or the year I’ve had…I must admit I’d keep my marathons.
The bigger picture is that I’ve got years of running ahead of me and great friends and family around me. Time to snap out of it. Sorry for being a wet blanket and thank you for bearing with me.