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The definition of insanity

…is doing something over and over again, expecting a different result. That’s me right now. You might be able to guess where this is going. It can hardly be a surprise and you’re probably as bored as I am about the whole thing. For that I can only apologise, but I assure you no one is more fed up of this than me.

Running and me are taking a break. I’m pretty sure it’s long overdue. Injury after injury. I’m so tired of it all. I’m tired of dreading every run. How will it feel? What’s going to go wrong? And even when it goes OK I still wonder how long will it be before I’m injured again. The injury I have at the moment, which is gradually going away, is merely the straw that broke the donkey’s back.

I was thinking about it over the weekend and I was surprised at how unstressed I was about not running at the moment and how I actually wasn’t missing it. I’m not training for a race so there are no worries. But I let my mind wander to what my feelings would be if the weeks continue and I’m still not running. My heart started to race and I felt myself getting stressed.

My dad asked me why I run, I say “because I love it and enjoy it” and he replied “are you enjoying it at the moment?”. Honestly? No. And I haven’t properly enjoyed it for a while now. I loved the Berlin marathon but every run leading up and the runs after have been tainted by injury or the worry of injuries to come. This isn’t fun anymore.

So I’m going to take a break from running. For how long I have no idea. It might be weeks or it might be months. Deciding this feels like the world has lifted off my shoulders, which in itself says something really. I’m almost certain I will defer London. I want to run London confident and happy after running strong the months before. And, my current injury aside, even if I was running well at the moment I would still feel the same as my head is in a rubbish place – the doubt and the fear is constant. I’ve begun to resent running. I resent how much it consumes my moods and makes me a rather awful person to be around when I can’t run. And it’s not just the marathon, it’s running in general. At the moment I have absolutely no desire to run. The love and enjoyment has disappeared.

I’ve joined a gym (again) and I’m going to do classes, like circuits, spin and body pump, and use the rowing machine (which I always love) and other machines and just do whatever I fancy there. Right now I don’t want to think about running, training plans, marathons, races or injuries. I just want to exercise with abandon – feel the endorphins and sweat. I don’t run to lose weight (ironically I’ve lost weight not running – how weird is that?), I exercise because there’s something so primal and basic about it. You feel accomplished, invigorated and on top of the world. If running can’t do that for me right now, I’ll find something else that will.

The sad thing about this is it’s all so repetitive (I’m sorry). I was in the same position last year and similarly decided to take a break. I think my issue before though was I got back into running as soon as I could and went straight into marathon training for Paris in April and from there it was a spiral of constant running and injuries. This time I just want to do whatever I fancy without any time frames, limits or goals. Who knows, London might still happen but I have no ambition to train for it at the moment or in the coming weeks. I want to go to the gym, sweat it out, get strong and feel good. And hope my love for running will return at some point.

Have you ever felt ‘enough is enough’ with something?

Have you got fed up with a type of exercise?

Are you injury prone? If not, what’s your secret? 😉

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So much food and a re-think

And we have a full house once again! Ben is back from his adventures to Hong Kong and China. He got back Saturday morning and I was more than happy to be woken up! As was Alfie who just went mental.

Poor Ben though suffered so badly from jet lag, as you can imagine. He didn’t feel well and he was exhausted (he had started his journey home on Thursday at 11pm London time and arrived home on Saturday 7am-ish!).

And oh the washing…So much washing. Joy. But anyway we decided to go to Nando’s for lunch (well, what do you expect?) with my dad as my mum was in London with Ben’s mum for a girlie trip. I was amused when the waiter tried to give my whole chicken to my dad though assuming he was having it and not me. He seemed a bit bemused that I could eat it. How very dare him. I’m a chicken eating machine!

By the end of the meal though (2pm?) Ben was really starting to fade (his body was thinking it was 10pm). We didn’t do much else for the day and I had to keep waking Ben up. I felt like a horrible person but we’d agreed he needed to stay awake at least until 8pm so he would be getting back, sort of, into the swing of UK times.

Sunday was spent getting bits and pieces done and then we were off for a lovely Christmas meal lunch at Jamie’s Italian with my parents and Ben’s mum. A three-course meal with a glass of Prosecco! I’d seen an offer online (I think it was £27.95 per person?) and had arranged it a while ago. It was quite good for everyone to get together to catch up with Ben.

IMG_8551Ben and the mums 

IMG_8552My dad and me 

The amount of food though! Oh my life. The started was MASSIVE. Two huge planks of antipasti bits and pieces (meats, cheese, roasted vegetables, olives, bread), cheese balls covered in breadcrumb and deep-fried gnocchi. There was just too much I think for all of us. We were all feeling a bit full afterwards and dubious about two more courses to come.

Starter planks Jamie's ItalianFor mains, I had a Venetian fish stew (as did Ben’s mum), my parents had steak and Ben had turkey. There were polenta chips and roasted vegetables as sides as well. It was absolutely delicious. I thought I’d taken a photo but alas I had not. It was basically a tomato stew with lots of clams, mussels and fish and a piece of toasted bread with a delicious cream cheese spread. I could have easily gobbled up all the roasted vegetables and polenta chips as well but I had limited capacity in my stomach by now! This does not happen often.

For pudding it was a brownie with salted caramel ice cream.

IMG_8556

Ohhhh it was so good. Pretty much the same as I’d had the other time I went to Jamie’s a few weeks ago. But honestly, just as tasty. Stomach space was not a problem now.

I did require a long walk with Alfie when I got home as the food was sitting rather uncomfortably in my tummy. Sometimes I find a good walk can help digestion!!

And then it was another evening of me poking and prodding Ben to keep him awake, bless him. One day at a time!

Sadly I’m still not running. I won’t lie, I do feel down about it. I don’t mind about speed or PBs or anything like that, I just want to run. I’m so glad Ben is home as it makes things so much better though! Like I said before, I don’t need to panic just yet as London is so far away. I just wish I understood why I always seem to get injured.

I’m pretty sure running six days a week wasn’t good for me. When my coach gave me that plan I should have spoken up and said no this isn’t going to work. I just got excited about running so much and convinced myself that it was fine because I was running slowly and not very far each time. And at the time everything felt fine during each run. I suppose it just topped out on that 11 miler.

I think my body at the moment needs more rest days in between, regardless of how far or how fast I run. And incorporating more specific strength training. I do do strength training but I guess I need to challenge my body in other ways than what I’ve been doing and Kyle’s going to help with that which is brilliant.

So he’s readdressed the plan going forward so things won’t be so full-on and more strength training…but first I have to get back into running again! Oh the ever cycle of running and me…

Have you got any Christmas meals planned other than the big day?

What’s the worst jetlag you’ve had? How do you recover ?

Do you enjoy a ‘proper’ starter or a sharing starter with lots of little things?

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Snap out of it

It’s OK. You can come near again. I’m past my initial I HATE THE WORLD bad mood. Personally, it’s only for so long I can maintain that level of enthusiastic annoyance and self-loathing.

I had lot of lovely Tweets, comments and reassurances from people about my injury which I really appreciated. Thank you. This is why I love the running (and blogging) community so much. Because even when you’re down and out for a bit, they’ll always try to lift you up. This is always clear as well when Ben comes to parkrun to volunteer, despite not being able to run. You’re a runner even when injured.

I saw Kyle (my coach and sports massage therapist) and he speculated that it’s the IT band. But it’s strange that it just happened out of nowhere so maybe I twisted awkwardly without realising or something.IMG_8537Lots of massage and some tape to help blood flow and it’s improving each day…fingers crossed it’s a blip then.

I know my situation isn’t the worst in the world. I’m grateful for any run I get that goes mildly well. Since so many injuries this year (*sighs*) and Ben’s horrible injury woe I fully appreciate any running. I also know I’m healthy and fit in comparison to many ‘normal’ people. I have no illness, life-threatening disease or terminal illness. And when I say I’m injured, really I mean “I can’t run for a bit because my knee hurts”. I can walk just fine.

And speaking of Ben, I know I really shouldn’t complain, moan or whinge. In some respects it’s a good job he’s in China: he can’t hear my pathetic complaints. I haven’t actually told him about all this. Internet and all things social media are pretty closed down over there so what I tell him is what he hears from me basically. Before you think I’m a terrible wife, I haven’t lied. I just haven’t mentioned it. All sounds rather illicit doesn’t it? But in truth, I’d rather not worry him about something like this while he’s away – especially when his own injury issue is so much worse than mine.

My dad, bless him, has had to deal with a lot over the past few months. We sometimes drive together to work (yes we work at the same company, God help us both) and he’s become my psychological coach. He often remarks that he’s genuinely tense before I get in the car with him as to how my latest run went, indicating what frame of mind I’ll be in (imagine the weeks leading up to the Berlin marathon…poor man). Recently he’s been quite relaxed and happy as my running has been going well. Getting in the car on Monday morning though he had to pick up the pieces. I hadn’t had anyone really to physically talk to about my latest running injury properly and I sort of went into melt-down mode on the way to work. He did a great job in talking things through logically and rationally and helped bring me back up out of my wallowing pit of despair.

He doesn’t run. He’s not that fit but he does try to do lots of walking (another Vivofit convert). He also appreciates my love for running. And he loves football and supports Liverpool FC quite passionately. He therefore knows disappointment in sport quite strongly too.

He often tells me about different footballers and their injury woes. The latest guy he told me about was Daniel Sturridge who had been on the bench due to a calf issue, then when he was allowed to start training again strained his thigh…then recovered, then strained it again. These guys are playing football as their career. Their livelihood depends on their fitness and the state of their body. It is likely that the management will see this footballer as a risk and a weakness, and perhaps his contract won’t be signed again.

Suddenly things for me don’t look so dire. I love running with all my heart but my life isn’t over without it. And of course not for a few days or weeks! Our mortgage isn’t dependent on me running. Sure it’s depressing and sad, but it’s not the end of the world.

I’ve got to keep things in perspective. I’ve had a lot of injuries. This year for me, you must agree, has been epically pants. The only two good things (in terms of running) have been the marathons. BUT if I had to choose between a year of no issue-running but no marathons or the year I’ve had…I must admit I’d keep my marathons.

The bigger picture is that I’ve got years of running ahead of me and great friends and family around me. Time to snap out of it. Sorry for being a wet blanket and thank you for bearing with me.

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Best to keep your distance

Oh joyous Monday I can hardly contain my excitement.

I won’t lie. I’m in a pretty horrendous mood at the moment. I’m teetering close to edge of despair and full-on RAGE. Literally I am either about to cry or about to punch something. Guess what? I think I’m injured again. Oh it’s no surprise to anyone I’m sure. Let’s take it from the top shall we?

I ran on Saturday at parkrun. Absolutely fine, no issues. My shin has been OK – maybe slightly grumpy but not getting worse. I’ve been plodding all week (I ran Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all easy just over 3.5 miles – no issues). I decided to put a bit of effort into parkrun. I wouldn’t say it was 100% effort but it was tough and I quite enjoyed the burst of adrenaline and speed, albeit slower than my faster times (just slightly over 22 minutes). No issues afterwards – nothing all day, so I felt very happy and looked forward to my 11 miler on Sunday.

Eleven miles is hardly jumping the distance as I’ve now run 10 miles twice before with no issues. Ten miles is also one of my favourite long run distances as it just always works for me. I felt extremely good straight away, finding my natural ‘good feeling’ pace between 8-8.15min/miles, consciously having to slow myself down if I got ahead of myself. In a sentence: I felt bloody brilliant!

At around 5-6 miles suddenly I felt a bit of pain in my knee area. I stopped for a second and stretched and poked a bit. How odd. I carried on running now aware of a discomfort that was broaching on pain. I was at that awkward point where running home would be the same distance as continuing on. I had no one to call to pick me up (OK that’s a lie, I do have family and friends who would have come – but other than Ben, I felt no one whom I was comfortable enough to ring without dissolving into tears or my ego taking a huge battering. Yes I know, I am an idiot).

From 8 miles onward the pain was every so often and sharp, and when it came it altered my gait. It was tipping it down and cold so walking home was out of the question. I just gritted my teeth and got home. Interestingly, my pace didn’t decline. Probably not the best thing though to run through it but at the moment I’m taking ANY silver lining available from this black thunder cloud. Funnily enough, it’s one of the best long runs I’ve done in ages in terms of speed and endurance – I didn’t feel out of breath or tired at all. Just in pain.

Just typical of me. Everything feels good when I run…apart from my body crumbling around me. I would have cried when I got home but I had no one to cry with except Alfie. I decided to mentally ignore the issue – all the while icing and trying not to aggravate my knee. Basically, I just didn’t think about it.

In the evening, after a day of hobbling around, I forced myself to text Kyle, my coach. I do feel sorry for him. What a runner to have on your books! Can barely stand the base building let alone proper marathon training. Falls at the first hurdle. Her body can’t even handle gentle plodding.

I’m guessing it’s my IT band as it’s that area of the knee that’s hurting and the IT band itself feels tender. But why it suddenly perked up I have no idea. I haven’t felt it at all for a while now. No tightness or discomfort. Who knows.

I’m not sure why I bother anymore with running. Perhaps Zumba or spinning is where my future lies in terms of keeping fit. I’m sorry to be so pathetic right now but can you really blame me?

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Why you shouldn’t run a marathon without training

Hello! Hope you all had a nice weekend.

So last week I was meant to start my coaching with Kyle. Unfortunately things haven’t got off to a great start. I took 10 days off of running after the Berlin marathon to rest because I knew I needed it. When I finished Berlin everything ached, but the day after I could distinguish pain from the ache: I had a poorly sore foot. I wasn’t too concerned because I knew I was taking time off anyway.

The foot remained quite sore for that week and then subsided to more of a niggle the next week. But by Friday it felt near enough OK and I had my new trainers arrive so I thought I’d go for a run.Adidas Boosts

At no time during the run did I feel pain and afterwards it was pretty much fine. But on Monday at the end of my first training run set by Kyle (30 mins easy) I felt my foot. Stupidly I attempted running again on the Tuesday night and it wasn’t happy at all, so I quit the run after half-way through.

I haven’t run since Tuesday. I’ve been using hot and cold therapy (icing for 4 minutes and then putting a hot water bottle on it for 4 minutes, and repeating – what fun evenings I have!). Kyle has been brilliant, he saw me on Tuesday night after the run and we’re pretty sure its do with my peroneal tendon (goes down the leg to my ankle and foot) and he’s been giving me lots of advice and stretches.

image

Strangely though I’m not panicking or feeling upset. Obviously I’d love to be running right now but at the same time I did just run a marathon on a pathetic amount of training and got a PB. So I would say this is probably what I deserve! I don’t have any real goals for the rest of the year so I’m actually quite relaxed at the moment about the whole thing – which is an absolute first!

I won’t lie, I would still love to run the Portsmouth Coastal marathon in December but I really should be running now if I want to do that sensibly. My thoughts are it’s highly unlikely, especially as I want to start next year feeling fresh and good for training for the London marathon. But like I said, I’m not stressing. I’d just like to get back into normal running but for now I’m OK using the elliptical machine, cycling, doing weights and yoga.

Cross trainer

The archaic beast in our small gym at work

What I would say is is that Ben’s injury has given me a whole new perspective on things. He has been out for so long and his injury is fairly serious – months not weeks. My pathetic foot thing can’t compare so I need to shut up and just be patient. It could be a lot worse. The body is precious and I need to remember that. This year has been fairly pants with repeated injuries but I need to learn from them and not rush things. I’ve jumped from one race to the next and haven’t had proper rest. But I’ve achieved what I wanted to this year – two marathons! And I bloody loved them, so I’m happy and content at the moment 🙂

How do you feel when you’re injured?

What are your goals for the rest of the year?

What’s your favourite way to cross-train?