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And breathe, it’s almost the weekend! Well, sort of I suppose.

I had my physio appointment Wednesday lunchtime, which went well. Beforehand she told me to bring my trainers so she could have a look. Like reading tea leaves, she examined the bottoms and put them on the table and randomly (to me) touched them all over. What she was doing, she explained, is seeing where my trainers are more inclined to move when nudged which indicates where my feet are falling.

I know that my feet roll inwards when I run, so I have special insoles to inhibit this. But it turns out my left foot just keeps trying regardless. This means my whole body is leaning to the right when I run. Which explains the tightness I’ve been getting in my right leg and my knee issue. This was probably exaggerated during the Great South Run when the wind pushed against my left side (especially on the last two miles along the front), which sparked the knee pain with the added pressure.

How crazy is that? Bodies are so complex.

She’s getting me a tiny wedge to put into my left shoe to help stop the lean. She worked on my dud leg with massage, movements and ultra sound. I’m to see her again next week for more of the same. Apparently it’s looking much better, and it does feel it. Though it’s definitely weaker than the other.

No running or spinning for now though. Ho hum.

This week I’ve been getting out of bed at the RIDICULOUS time of 5.30am to get to the gym as early as I can. I’m still using the recumbent bike and/or rower. To keep myself motivated I’m doing 1 minute tempo speed, 30 seconds sprint, then 1-2mins easy. Over. And over. I listen to podcasts to keep myself from DYING OF BOREDOM and then for the last 10 minutes I put some energetic music on and do some crazy sprinting. It works for me!

I aim for 50-60mins of cardio. It’s crazy that I literally watch the clock.

Ticking.

Ticking.

Whereas when I run I just run. Of course I look at my paces but I never think “OK just 5 more minutes”. I might think “do another mile” but that’s it. Never the relentless ticking down of seconds.

I will never, ever underappreciate running outside again.

On the slightly more interesting side of things my lovely husband brought back some unbelievably moreish treats for me from the German Christmas markets when he was over there last week ‘working’.

Appalling photo sorry

Apple chips and a gingerbread biscuit saying “Ich liebe dich” which means “I love you”. What a sweetie. Obviously the quickest way to my heart are apples and he knows me well 😉 Those bad boys are scarily moreish though and this is dangerous considering how many apples I eat normally anyway.

Just reminds me of fun times I had when I visited Berlin around Christmas and my friends and me enjoyed some amazing Christmas market time. Hopefully we’ll recreate that on our impending Bath trip the weekend after next. Although I imagine it will be heaving.

What Christmas markets have you been to? What was your favourite thing there? Mine was all the food (by that I mean sweets).

Have you ever been to Germany? I love Berlin. Such a friendly lovely city.

What are your tips for staying motivated on a gym machine? I do enjoy a bit of people watching as well 😉

Hello, hello. I hope all you lovely Americans had a great Thanksgiving by the way! The rest of the world continued on as normal. No turkeys over here…yet. Though saying that I did pre-order our turkey for Christmas day the other day. Jeeeeze Louise it must have been famous or something because it was an outrageous price. OK truth be told, I did buy a free-range bird…from M&S…the biggest one. Yeah, ouch.

But hey, ho. We’re having my parents and Ben’s parents round ours for Christmas lunch so it’s a necessary expenditure. I’m so excited. I absolutely adore Christmas dinner. People say that turkey is one of the driest and most boring meats but I disagree. I could eat it everyday. And probably will for quite a few days after Christmas 😉

Anyway, I digress. For a few weeks now I have been on the search for that illusive squash. The king of all squashes…the blogging world holy grail, if you like. The kabocha squash. I think I might just have found it!

I think it’s the top right picture. Let me live in my delusion if I’m wrong. I haven’t yet tried it but I’m hoping for good things after all the love that’s been outpoured for it. The alien spaceship-looking squash on the left (could be delicata squash?) is rather tasty I must say, and the two little ones bottom right aren’t too shabby either.

I’ve been eating my squash as a side-dish to meals, such as a lovely slow-cooked roast chicken.

This was the alien spaceship squash

I always have to go back for more chicken when I have this meal. I probably eat like a third of the chicken. With half a bottle of BBQ sauce.

Speaking of BBQ sauce (which, by the way if you couldn’t tell, is my favourite sauce in the whole wide world), I had some outrageously good slow-cooked BBQ pork ribs. The whole day I was excited that I had ribs waiting for me at home (oh dear, I sound quite sad). And they did not disappoint.

The meat just fell off the bone. I used THIS recipe which was just so easy.

This meal rocked my Friday night. Yep, that’s how exciting things are around these parts right now.

And someone else who’s been eating pretty well is this furry little guy:

With a bag of food as big as him. That’s what happens when you order dog food online and have no concept of weight. Well he was happy. In fact, I think it’s gone to his head a little. He was absolutely enthralled by the animal channel the other night.

I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s a lion. He didn’t move from that position at all. He just watched. I didn’t have the heart to explain to him that if he was going to be another animal it probably wasn’t going to be one of the big four cats…

I’ve got my second physio appointment today, which I’m looking forward to (is that weird?). My knee feels a lot better in general terms and walking. I’ve been to the gym and rower and cycled a lot with no issues but I haven’t run. In fact, I’m actually scared to run. I don’t know when my first run back will be…I’m just terrified there will be pain or discomfort. So I’m holding out for as long as I can before I go mad.

Anyway, after showing you a small insight into what I’ve been munching on recently, go check out Jenn’s blog for What I Ate Wednesday fun with other bloggers 🙂

Do you have any good recipes or suggestions for my kabocha squash? I’m reluctant to use it yet as I haven’t found any more!

Do you buy your food online or do you go to the shop itself? Recently we’ve been ordering online because the only free time is at the weekend and that’s a nightmare. 

What’s your favourite sauce?

Well my weekend has been pretty boring. Because we’re coming to the end of a project and the deadlines are very tight I had to work. Thankfully I was able to work from home which meant I didn’t have to drive to the office (45 minutes of absolute pants). But it still meant no weekend frivolities for me.

I also had to get up early to get my gym sessions in. I don’t mind getting up early – even at the weekend. But I’m used to getting up early for things I genuinely love. Like Parkrun on the Saturday, or my long run on the Sunday. But Saturday morning saw me walking into a very empty gym at 7.30am. Clearly I am of the minority for early Saturday morning gym sessions. To be frank, I wouldn’t be there if I could run!!

I managed 40 minutes on the bike (I chose the recumbent bike to give some relief to my hips and knees). After a 5 minute warm-up I did 2 minutes easy and 1 minute sprint. It kept things somewhat entertaining. Then I did 20 minutes on the rower.

Afterwards I ventured over to the Power Plate. I’d heard some good things about the vibrations being good for helping with injuries and massaging tight muscles. Hey, I’d eat my iPhone if you told me it’d help me recover (I’m not quite sure how, but I’d definitely try).

Sunday I was really not feeling the gym. I had to get up at 6.30am to walk Alfie beforehand as Ben was having a lie-in (rightfully so). Oh lord it was hard. But I got there and sat on the bike for 15 minutes not feeling it, so went on the rower for 45minutes instead.

I then tried the Power Plate again. This time I’d done a bit of prior research to maximise my time with it and spent about 30 minutes working my way through some strength moves, stretches and then just lying my legs (hamstring, IT band, quads) on the plate for the massage.

Let me tell you, squats are a killer on that thing! My legs were burning!

Then it was back home to shower and start work. Joy.

Friday morning I had a crazy gym experience (sorry I realise this post is all over the place). I was on the bike really struggling to stay motivated and 10 minutes in my spin instructor walks by. He asks why I haven’t been going to spin for a bit and I explain about my knee. He didn’t seem surprised…apparently I look like I have terrible posture. My right side looks a lot tighter than my left, from my shoulder to my hips. He asked if I had 5 minutes. I thought, if it means getting off this boring machine then yes!

For the next 40 minutes he directed me to do different moves and gave me a sports massage for all my tight areas as we were going. It was so bizarre. It was basically a freebie 1-to-1 personal trainer/sports massage session! He specialises in ‘corrective exercise’, which basically means he trains people so that they’re body becomes more aligned, by strengthening the weaker muscles and stretching the tight ones.

Well I was sold on his technique and ability, and his extensive experience. After chatting with Ben I decided I’d sign up with him to for some personal training. I’ll have a consultation with him beforehand to tell him my goals (increasing my strength and basically reduce my running-related injuries). I’m very excited. This is exactly what I need right now before I get back into running and marathon training. It’s hard to motivate myself when I’m not running, so having someone guide me who knows what they’re doing is a huge relief!

And what can I say, I’m a sucker for a good sale…

 What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you or you’ve seen at the gym?

How do you keep yourself motivated on a gym machine?

Are you an early riser or do you like your lie-ins?

Thanks for all your lovely comments and tweets regarding the marathon. It is definitely the right thing to do. It sucks. But it’s sensible.

This week hasn’t been great if I’m honest. I’m trying not to let this get me down but it’s hard. Especially when I have to tell people I’m pulling out, like co-workers, friends and the running club. Embarrassingly I ended up in tears telling my friend at work. I feel overly emotional about the whole thing. I know it’s ridiculous and there are bigger things to worry about, but hey ho.

It doesn’t help that work is hard at the moment and overly busy. Meaning I have to work this weekend again, Saturday and Sunday. I just feel things getting on top of me a bit.

Sunday was a hard day but after having a good heart-to-heart with my parents and having Ben’s continual support, I felt better. And cupcakes always help too:

These are what I call Cupcake Therapy

Why have one when you can have two? My mum dropped four cupcakes round the day before – it’s as if she psychically knew Sunday was going to be a rough day. Mum Power.

Later on today I have a physio appointment which should be fun. I swear I’m keeping this woman in business. I thought it was probably best to proactively seek guidance for the knee thing because, let’s be honest, I took 10 days off and it didn’t solve anything did it?

On a different note, we had friends over on Saturday night for a Mexican themed evening. We had dips and tortilla chips to start. I made guacamole using THIS recipe. Then found out I was the only one who likes guacamole. Well, I see that as a win in my eyes!

For the main we had slow cooker chilli. Honestly, so so simple. Just throwing everything in a slow cooker is like having a little fairy in the kitchen. If only that fairy would also do the washing up as well.

Slow Cooker Chilli (serves 4)

Based on THIS recipe

• Lean beef mince (500g)
• Large white onion, diced
• 1 tbsp. garlic powder
• 1 tbsp. mild chilli powder
• 1 tsp. paprika
• 1 tsp. ground cumin
• 1 beef stock cube
• 400g can chopped tomatoes
• 1 tbsp. mixed herbs
• 1 tsp sugar
• 2 tbsp tomato purée
• 410g can red kidney beans, drained

I fried the onion first in a tbsp. oil. Then put everything in the slow cooker and gave it a good stir. I cooked this for 6 hours on LOW.

We had this with (Uncle Ben’s) Mexican rice, refried beans, sour cream and the remainders of the chips. Not too shabby for our first Grown Up Dinner Party.

This picture is terrible I’m sorry. But it tasted delicious.

While eating we had an interesting conversation about what foods we couldn’t live without. Ben and one of the friends said there wasn’t any food they’d be that sad about never having again. I mean, what?? That’s not normal right?

I wonder if you can guess what mine is? Apples. Literally couldn’t live without them. I think oats for my porridge also comes very close second. And cake. Not a specific cake, just cake in general.

My other friend said potatoes, which I found hilarious as if I never ate potatoes again I wouldn’t be that bothered! Sure I might miss chips (fries) occasionally but I could live without them. I can honestly say I have never craved potatoes.

What food can’t you live without? I’d give up chocolate over apples. Is that weird?

What food makes you feel better when you’re sad? For me it’s cake. That may be an unhealthy way to look at things, but it’s impossible to be sad when you’re eating a slice of cake.

Do you enjoy hosting dinner parties?

Well, this is the post I hoped I wouldn’t have to write.

The weekend started so well. Ben and me got up early to go to Parkrun and help them set up everything.

We’re now on course C due to the weather. This means another hill has been added and a lot more running on gravel. Definitely not a PB course! As we finished setting up I realised I’d forgotten my Garmin. I never run without my watch so immediately panicked. But I realised this was probably a good thing. I wasn’t aiming for a PB, I was just going to run however I felt. Time didn’t matter.

Anyway, it was tough in a good way. I’d missed running with such speed and I was happy. I managed 21:59 and 3rd female. Not a PB by far but for the course and my current running fitness I was pleased.

But I got home and throughout the day my knee ached a lot. I stretched, foam rolled and iced. I tried to convince myself it was fine.

The next day I got up early for an ‘unplanned-distance’ long run. I walked Alfie first. Immediately I could tell my knee felt off. Again I convinced myself it was fine. I did a long warm up at home – dynamic stretches and foam rolling. As soon as I set off I knew it wasn’t right. But who judges a run by their first mile, I argued  in my head. It’s laughable now to think I’d even put my fuel belt on and had dreams of running 18 miles. I was running 9min/miles and it wasn’t good.

I managed 5 miles. I got home and just sat on the floor and went into overdrive panicking about how I could make up lost runs and miles. It’s OK, I’ll run 18 miles next weekend. I’ll give it time this week. It’ll be fine. I went upstairs to shower and looked at myself in the mirror.

What am I doing?

What am I doing to my body? What am I putting it through? I have four weeks left until the marathon. I’ve run 17 miles – three weeks ago. And it wasn’t a great run. I haven’t had a consistent good full week of running since before Mexico. Why the hell do I think I can run a marathon?

Do I want to run a marathon and feel disappointed with my time? Do I want to run a marathon and just make it? Do I want to finish at the end broken? Or worse, not finish?

My knee is not better. And sure it could get better in time for the marathon – but what training will I manage before then? What happens if my knee isn’t quite healed? And the adrenaline of the race masks any pain my body is desperately trying to tell me about? I run through it and ruin my body.

I want to walk to the start line knowing I am ready. And I don’t want to just make it to the finish line. I want to absolutely smash it. I want to feel proud of what I’ve achieved, with no regrets.

I can’t pretend I’m not absolutely devastated. I can’t pretend that I didn’t do a lot of crying yesterday. But as soon as I decided to pull out of the marathon, a huge weight was lifted off of me. The deep sickness in the pit of my stomach disappeared. This is the most sensible thing to do.

This isn’t my time. This isn’t my race.

I probably haven’t mentioned this on the blog but Ben and me signed up to the Paris marathon ages ago – when things were better in the world of running for me. The Paris marathon is April. My plan going forward now is spending up until the end of the year being sensible. Limiting my running and strengthening my body. I can then, providing I’m all injury-free, properly start my training plan in January. I’ll have three months to give it my all, starting with a healthy body.

Though I feel incredibly down about this whole thing, I know this is the right thing to do. I’ll still be there on 22nd December to support Ben. I’ll support and cheer him on, vicariously running it through him. My time will come, just not this year.

Have you ever had to pull out of a race?

Have you ever DNF’ed at a race?