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So much food and a re-think

And we have a full house once again! Ben is back from his adventures to Hong Kong and China. He got back Saturday morning and I was more than happy to be woken up! As was Alfie who just went mental.

Poor Ben though suffered so badly from jet lag, as you can imagine. He didn’t feel well and he was exhausted (he had started his journey home on Thursday at 11pm London time and arrived home on Saturday 7am-ish!).

And oh the washing…So much washing. Joy. But anyway we decided to go to Nando’s for lunch (well, what do you expect?) with my dad as my mum was in London with Ben’s mum for a girlie trip. I was amused when the waiter tried to give my whole chicken to my dad though assuming he was having it and not me. He seemed a bit bemused that I could eat it. How very dare him. I’m a chicken eating machine!

By the end of the meal though (2pm?) Ben was really starting to fade (his body was thinking it was 10pm). We didn’t do much else for the day and I had to keep waking Ben up. I felt like a horrible person but we’d agreed he needed to stay awake at least until 8pm so he would be getting back, sort of, into the swing of UK times.

Sunday was spent getting bits and pieces done and then we were off for a lovely Christmas meal lunch at Jamie’s Italian with my parents and Ben’s mum. A three-course meal with a glass of Prosecco! I’d seen an offer online (I think it was £27.95 per person?) and had arranged it a while ago. It was quite good for everyone to get together to catch up with Ben.

IMG_8551Ben and the mums 

IMG_8552My dad and me 

The amount of food though! Oh my life. The started was MASSIVE. Two huge planks of antipasti bits and pieces (meats, cheese, roasted vegetables, olives, bread), cheese balls covered in breadcrumb and deep-fried gnocchi. There was just too much I think for all of us. We were all feeling a bit full afterwards and dubious about two more courses to come.

Starter planks Jamie's ItalianFor mains, I had a Venetian fish stew (as did Ben’s mum), my parents had steak and Ben had turkey. There were polenta chips and roasted vegetables as sides as well. It was absolutely delicious. I thought I’d taken a photo but alas I had not. It was basically a tomato stew with lots of clams, mussels and fish and a piece of toasted bread with a delicious cream cheese spread. I could have easily gobbled up all the roasted vegetables and polenta chips as well but I had limited capacity in my stomach by now! This does not happen often.

For pudding it was a brownie with salted caramel ice cream.

IMG_8556

Ohhhh it was so good. Pretty much the same as I’d had the other time I went to Jamie’s a few weeks ago. But honestly, just as tasty. Stomach space was not a problem now.

I did require a long walk with Alfie when I got home as the food was sitting rather uncomfortably in my tummy. Sometimes I find a good walk can help digestion!!

And then it was another evening of me poking and prodding Ben to keep him awake, bless him. One day at a time!

Sadly I’m still not running. I won’t lie, I do feel down about it. I don’t mind about speed or PBs or anything like that, I just want to run. I’m so glad Ben is home as it makes things so much better though! Like I said before, I don’t need to panic just yet as London is so far away. I just wish I understood why I always seem to get injured.

I’m pretty sure running six days a week wasn’t good for me. When my coach gave me that plan I should have spoken up and said no this isn’t going to work. I just got excited about running so much and convinced myself that it was fine because I was running slowly and not very far each time. And at the time everything felt fine during each run. I suppose it just topped out on that 11 miler.

I think my body at the moment needs more rest days in between, regardless of how far or how fast I run. And incorporating more specific strength training. I do do strength training but I guess I need to challenge my body in other ways than what I’ve been doing and Kyle’s going to help with that which is brilliant.

So he’s readdressed the plan going forward so things won’t be so full-on and more strength training…but first I have to get back into running again! Oh the ever cycle of running and me…

Have you got any Christmas meals planned other than the big day?

What’s the worst jetlag you’ve had? How do you recover ?

Do you enjoy a ‘proper’ starter or a sharing starter with lots of little things?

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Men win

Something away from running and injuries… I struggled whether to post this or not. I really hope I don’t offend anyone, that’s not my intention. This is purely the way I see the world – my interpretation with my ignorance and limited knowledge.

I’m 26 years old, married and have a lovely little house. My husband, Ben, and I live quite a harmonious life with our mischievously little furball dog, Alfie. Ben and I have been married for over two years now, living together for over three years… People are starting to ask The Question and/or give me the suspicious looks.

Many of my friends got married and then had kids quite soon afterwards. It’s quite logical and very common. Marriage then kids. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. But I’m fully dragging my feet on this one.

I feel genuine fear when I think about looking after a baby. I don’t look at babies as bundles of adorable joy-filled darlings. I look at them in fear. I’m awkward around them. I avoid contact. I feel I need to do something and probably utter something ridiculously obvious (“what small hands!”) and maybe gently poke its cheek or pat its head. My flight response has been fully activated and I’m ready to get the hell outta there.

IMG_4743 Megan, my neice, and me…full of fear

Ben used to be the same but the traitor has slowly moved over to the Dark Side. He seems more natural and normal around babies. Hell, he even looks like he’s comfortable and happy! When did this happen?

I will fully admit I truly know nothing about having a baby – the pregnancy, the birth and the, er, ‘rearing’. I can only go by what people have told me and what I’ve read in blogs, social media and books. To be honest, it all sounds a bit crap. And if Facebook and Twitter are anything to go by, this doesn’t really stop until they’re 18. And not even then.

This post is probably very naive and very ignorant so I truly hope I don’t offend anyone. Remember: I really know nothing apart from what I’ve seen and heard. My experience is highly limited.

Basically it sucks to be a woman. Firstly, you have to get pregnant. OK you can say you’re growing life inside you and how beautiful the whole experience is. Sure, sure. But let’s be real. You get fat, you get uncomfortable and a lot of bodily functions are either disrupted, abused or you just fully lose control of them. And running? Of course loads of people do manage to run through their pregnancy (don’t even get me started on the #fitpregnancy), but the reality is not many can maintain it. And those who can are running less, running slower and it’s usually not particularly comfortable. And remember the loss of control on bodily functions? Yeah. Putting it in the words of one of my male running friend: you have an 18 month long injury.

As a man you are UNAFFECTED. Men 1 Women 0

Then the whole birthing experience. I’ve heard the gory details. Don’t try and convince me it’s a beautiful and magical experience. Sweaty, bloody, fluid-y, painful, lonnnnnnnnng, poopy, muscus pluggy…

And the man? Maybe a bit sleep-deprived and maybe his hand hurts a bit from all the squeezing. Perhaps he now sees his loved one in a whole new maternal and Amazonian light. But still, he’s pretty unscathed I’d say. Men 2 Women 0

Then breastfeeding your new micro-human. Engorged boobs, huge painful nipples and random leakages. Latching difficulties, despair and distress at not being able to feed your baby. God forbid you even consider formula! The worry about how people will react if you breastfeed in public, or what people will say if you don’t breastfeed at all.

You hand your partner the baby and a bottle (either full of *gasp* formula or painfully pumped out of you). What’s the worst that can happen? The baby spits up? Men 3 Women 0

Sleepless nights. They say for the first six weeks you’re literally on autopilot. You’re lucky if you get two hour stretches. You’re not at work so you get a lie-in right? Right?? Apparently not. And apparently when people say “grab sleep when you’re baby sleep” they don’t realise you also need to shower and eat. Of course men go through this too – you’re a tag teaming duo of baby feeding/changing super heroes! Until he goes back to work TWO WEEKS later. Then you’re on your own. I can understand this. I’m not saying men are selfish rascals but if you’re breastfeeding then I imagine it’s pretty tricky for the woman to not be involved at some point. Men 4 Women 0

Body image and general fitness. I would like to meet the woman who is not daunted by the idea of gaining weight and the losing of a fitness that she has meticulously built up. Weight gain, wider hips, stretch marks, saggy tummies…all natural of course, but changing your body completely from what it was before. Running is slower and harder, and biomechanically you’re different and more injury-prone (is that even possible for me??). Things are not the same as they were before.

I think you can see this could go on a bit. And I don’t want to appear like a man-hating child-hating demon of a woman, but so far from what I’m aware of, being the female in the child-having scenario is no joke.

It honestly doesn’t appeal to me right now. I used to wonder if it ever would. But slowly I am coming round to the idea. I’m sure there are moments of joy and many priceless experiences but because I’m not an innately child-loving person I struggle to see the good bits beyond the truly horrific things I read. I’m sure I’ll be overcome with evolutionary triggered hormones love for our child and never regret it for a moment…(my fingers are firmly crossed!). But at the moment, I’m quite happy with just Alfie, thank you very much.

Parents, convince me otherwise! What are the good bits?

Have a moan: what are the tough bits? What have I missed?

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Snap out of it

It’s OK. You can come near again. I’m past my initial I HATE THE WORLD bad mood. Personally, it’s only for so long I can maintain that level of enthusiastic annoyance and self-loathing.

I had lot of lovely Tweets, comments and reassurances from people about my injury which I really appreciated. Thank you. This is why I love the running (and blogging) community so much. Because even when you’re down and out for a bit, they’ll always try to lift you up. This is always clear as well when Ben comes to parkrun to volunteer, despite not being able to run. You’re a runner even when injured.

I saw Kyle (my coach and sports massage therapist) and he speculated that it’s the IT band. But it’s strange that it just happened out of nowhere so maybe I twisted awkwardly without realising or something.IMG_8537Lots of massage and some tape to help blood flow and it’s improving each day…fingers crossed it’s a blip then.

I know my situation isn’t the worst in the world. I’m grateful for any run I get that goes mildly well. Since so many injuries this year (*sighs*) and Ben’s horrible injury woe I fully appreciate any running. I also know I’m healthy and fit in comparison to many ‘normal’ people. I have no illness, life-threatening disease or terminal illness. And when I say I’m injured, really I mean “I can’t run for a bit because my knee hurts”. I can walk just fine.

And speaking of Ben, I know I really shouldn’t complain, moan or whinge. In some respects it’s a good job he’s in China: he can’t hear my pathetic complaints. I haven’t actually told him about all this. Internet and all things social media are pretty closed down over there so what I tell him is what he hears from me basically. Before you think I’m a terrible wife, I haven’t lied. I just haven’t mentioned it. All sounds rather illicit doesn’t it? But in truth, I’d rather not worry him about something like this while he’s away – especially when his own injury issue is so much worse than mine.

My dad, bless him, has had to deal with a lot over the past few months. We sometimes drive together to work (yes we work at the same company, God help us both) and he’s become my psychological coach. He often remarks that he’s genuinely tense before I get in the car with him as to how my latest run went, indicating what frame of mind I’ll be in (imagine the weeks leading up to the Berlin marathon…poor man). Recently he’s been quite relaxed and happy as my running has been going well. Getting in the car on Monday morning though he had to pick up the pieces. I hadn’t had anyone really to physically talk to about my latest running injury properly and I sort of went into melt-down mode on the way to work. He did a great job in talking things through logically and rationally and helped bring me back up out of my wallowing pit of despair.

He doesn’t run. He’s not that fit but he does try to do lots of walking (another Vivofit convert). He also appreciates my love for running. And he loves football and supports Liverpool FC quite passionately. He therefore knows disappointment in sport quite strongly too.

He often tells me about different footballers and their injury woes. The latest guy he told me about was Daniel Sturridge who had been on the bench due to a calf issue, then when he was allowed to start training again strained his thigh…then recovered, then strained it again. These guys are playing football as their career. Their livelihood depends on their fitness and the state of their body. It is likely that the management will see this footballer as a risk and a weakness, and perhaps his contract won’t be signed again.

Suddenly things for me don’t look so dire. I love running with all my heart but my life isn’t over without it. And of course not for a few days or weeks! Our mortgage isn’t dependent on me running. Sure it’s depressing and sad, but it’s not the end of the world.

I’ve got to keep things in perspective. I’ve had a lot of injuries. This year for me, you must agree, has been epically pants. The only two good things (in terms of running) have been the marathons. BUT if I had to choose between a year of no issue-running but no marathons or the year I’ve had…I must admit I’d keep my marathons.

The bigger picture is that I’ve got years of running ahead of me and great friends and family around me. Time to snap out of it. Sorry for being a wet blanket and thank you for bearing with me.

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Best to keep your distance

Oh joyous Monday I can hardly contain my excitement.

I won’t lie. I’m in a pretty horrendous mood at the moment. I’m teetering close to edge of despair and full-on RAGE. Literally I am either about to cry or about to punch something. Guess what? I think I’m injured again. Oh it’s no surprise to anyone I’m sure. Let’s take it from the top shall we?

I ran on Saturday at parkrun. Absolutely fine, no issues. My shin has been OK – maybe slightly grumpy but not getting worse. I’ve been plodding all week (I ran Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all easy just over 3.5 miles – no issues). I decided to put a bit of effort into parkrun. I wouldn’t say it was 100% effort but it was tough and I quite enjoyed the burst of adrenaline and speed, albeit slower than my faster times (just slightly over 22 minutes). No issues afterwards – nothing all day, so I felt very happy and looked forward to my 11 miler on Sunday.

Eleven miles is hardly jumping the distance as I’ve now run 10 miles twice before with no issues. Ten miles is also one of my favourite long run distances as it just always works for me. I felt extremely good straight away, finding my natural ‘good feeling’ pace between 8-8.15min/miles, consciously having to slow myself down if I got ahead of myself. In a sentence: I felt bloody brilliant!

At around 5-6 miles suddenly I felt a bit of pain in my knee area. I stopped for a second and stretched and poked a bit. How odd. I carried on running now aware of a discomfort that was broaching on pain. I was at that awkward point where running home would be the same distance as continuing on. I had no one to call to pick me up (OK that’s a lie, I do have family and friends who would have come – but other than Ben, I felt no one whom I was comfortable enough to ring without dissolving into tears or my ego taking a huge battering. Yes I know, I am an idiot).

From 8 miles onward the pain was every so often and sharp, and when it came it altered my gait. It was tipping it down and cold so walking home was out of the question. I just gritted my teeth and got home. Interestingly, my pace didn’t decline. Probably not the best thing though to run through it but at the moment I’m taking ANY silver lining available from this black thunder cloud. Funnily enough, it’s one of the best long runs I’ve done in ages in terms of speed and endurance – I didn’t feel out of breath or tired at all. Just in pain.

Just typical of me. Everything feels good when I run…apart from my body crumbling around me. I would have cried when I got home but I had no one to cry with except Alfie. I decided to mentally ignore the issue – all the while icing and trying not to aggravate my knee. Basically, I just didn’t think about it.

In the evening, after a day of hobbling around, I forced myself to text Kyle, my coach. I do feel sorry for him. What a runner to have on your books! Can barely stand the base building let alone proper marathon training. Falls at the first hurdle. Her body can’t even handle gentle plodding.

I’m guessing it’s my IT band as it’s that area of the knee that’s hurting and the IT band itself feels tender. But why it suddenly perked up I have no idea. I haven’t felt it at all for a while now. No tightness or discomfort. Who knows.

I’m not sure why I bother anymore with running. Perhaps Zumba or spinning is where my future lies in terms of keeping fit. I’m sorry to be so pathetic right now but can you really blame me?

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Rants and Raves #3

I’m feeling grumpy. It can’t be helped really. It’s Thursday, when really it should be Friday.

I don’t want to moan…but I will. Sorry. I’ll try not to just rant the entire post.

Rant: With Ben being away it is quite lonely at the moment at home. I get very set in routines when I’m on my own as well. Walk Alfie, cook dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Nothing exciting really happens. I’m used to having him there to joke and laugh with, or moan and groan at…depends on the day and mood really 😉

And with the 8 hour time difference it’s a struggle to keep in contact with him. Especially as with him being in China they don’t allow Facebook or Twitter, and I need to wait for him to get access to the limited Wifi in order to either WhatsApp or Skype. Humph.

Rave: Although saying that, with Ben not being here, this means dinner can be whatever I want it to be without having to worry if Ben will a) like it b) eat it.

Chickpea meal

Looks rather grim doesn’t it? But actually it was really tasty. I literally threw chickpeas, Brussels sprouts, courgette, onions, mushrooms and kale together with cream cheese and BBQ sauce. It’s just what I fancied. For me BBQ sauce and cream cheese are big winners.

Rant: perhaps ‘rant’ is too strong a word here…but Ben does make me laugh. He goes to Hong Kong and China and he eats… Italian. To be fair, he can’t go wherever he pleases as he’s with work colleagues but still. He ate Japanese one night which I suppose is at least that vague area of the world to some extent. Though he did tell me he had the strangest Hawaiian pizza which had a sweet dough with tomato sauce, tinned fruit salad, olives and cheese on it. I did say to him he’s probably better off actually eating the local food! *sighs*

Rave: Alfie is very loving at the moment as I’m the only one there. Despite Ben’s side of the bed being free, he still cuddles into me at night. My furry hot water bottle.

IMG_8446 But it also means I’m the one who has to clean up his sick when he wasn’t well the other day. This is usually very firmly a blue job…but currently no blue is here to help.

Rave: getting cool things in the post. I received a Fuelify goodie box which contained a lot of exciting products.

IMG_8459 A full review will be coming soon!

Rant/Rave: a mix of the two if you like. It’s no secret that I hate my commute. It’s a fair way from Southampton to Basingstoke and can take on average an hour (sometimes more) to work and then from work every single day. It grinds on me. Even when it’s plain sailing it still takes 40 minutes. To me this is absolute dead time. The radio is OK but I despair of BBC Radio 1’s Nick Grimshaw in a morning (I was a huge Chris Moyles fan – sorry non-Brits, basically Radio 1 sucks as the best DJ left a few years ago and now it’s run by a moron) and I’m not quite ready to switch to BBC Radio 2 (which is aimed at a slightly older audience).

Aaaaanyway, long story short, I’ve signed up to Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited (30 free days) as I saw they had audio books available too. I do read a lot as well on my Kindle, but thought while I drive I could listen to another book. Normally audio books are fairly hefty in price so I was pleased this was part of the deal. I decided to go for Life of Pi.

I’ve got the book on my Kindle but when I tried to read it I just couldn’t get into it. But listening to it is fantastic! In just over two days I’m 40% into it and it’s so good. I need to see the film as well now. Listening to it in the car just makes the journey zoom by as I get sucked into the narrative.

I’ve also downloaded Great Expectations to listen to next as I’ve never read it. I’m aiming for the more ‘dense’ books as I’ve found I can get into it easier than if I tried to read it. I’m still reading another book at the same time as well. Will see if I’m swayed by this Kindle Unlimited business by the end of the 30 days I think!

And that’s all I have in my current lonely, empty existence…well it’s not all bad. The house is extremely tidy and I’m only using one loo in the house (we have three) so that means only one bathroom needs cleaning this weekend! Wahay it’s the small things, right? 😉 I’m going to my parent’s house on Friday night for an Indian and staying over with Alfie so that should be good. Then really it’s just one week till Ben’s back! Hurrah!

What have been your rants and raves this week?

How do you cope when you’re alone in the house?

Do you listen to audio books?