AnnaTheApple - The life of a girl who loves apples and running

January 14, 2016

Fear of being an adult

This is a random post but something that struck me the other day.

When I was at school I was confident and self-assured. I knew what I was good at and I focused on those areas (who needs science anyway, right…?). I loved English Literature and English Language, I loved drama (I even did a Speech and Drama course outside of school which involved competitions and exams in reading prose, poetry and general acting) and loads of sports. I won’t lie, I was a proper boffin and proud of it.

Wow, found this photo of me probably aged 15

I didn’t care if I wasn’t in the ‘popular’ groups or if the cool guys didn’t fancy me. I was never more happy than getting good marks which I worked hard for. It didn’t come naturally but I enjoyed putting the work in to get the good stuff out.

I got good grades through school, applied for a good university and then, BAM, hit an ocean full of similar hard-working high achievers. All my self-confidence disappeared as I was no longer the top in anything anymore. In fact, I was pretty average at best. Despite that, I did achieve a good degree and applied left, right and centre for all the graduate jobs. Then when I had no luck there, all other good but non-graduate jobs. Then ANYTHING. 2009 was a rubbish time to come out of university with a Psychology degree that didn’t really qualify you for anything specific. My confidence was royally destroyed.

My first job was in a call centre for an insurance company reading a script about 150 times a day. I lasted two months before getting the hell out of there and into a basic admin job. To save you the boring details, a year and half later I finally hit gold with the job I’m in at the moment. I enjoy it and it pays well. OK it has nothing to do with my degree and it wasn’t what I always dreamed of doing when I was younger, but it’s a career I’m happy to continue with and progress.

But something happened to me after finishing school. I lost all my self-confidence in my intelligence and my abilities. I literally spend every single day convinced that someone will turn around and say to me, “Err, Anna, why are you here?”. I’m convinced they’ll realise I’m no good and fire me. I’m not saying I don’t do a good job or that I shirk work… It’s just I don’t have the same confidence I had when I was at school when I knew exactly where I was in the world.

I see everybody else around me as more competent and more worthy to be where they are. I think they look at me and wonder how I’m still here. I work hard, don’t get me wrong, but I sometimes feel out of my depth and lost. I’m often asking lots of questions and feeling stupid.

And it’s not just work. Despite being a fairly experienced runner, being generally quite fit and healthy and knowing pretty much what I’m doing, I still think that everyone else at the gym or at races are far more experienced than me. At the gym I think people look at me doing my squats and judge me on my form, my depth and the weight I’m using. Or they look at me in the race line-up and wonder why I’m not further back. I’m pretty sure no one cares but the irrational part of my brain truly believes that everyone thinks I’m clueless. This is despite the fact that I’ve been going to that gym and running for over three years now.

To be honest, it’s a general feeling of “am I really an adult?”. Leaving the bubble of academia and entering the Big Wide World is scary. Dealing with bills, moving house, thinking about divorce… it feels like I shouldn’t be dealing with this. I thought at some point a switch would be flicked on and I’d be an Adult. I’m still 15 in my head, wishing for someone else to show me what to do.

Will I ever feel like I’ve “got this” and I’m in the driver’s seat knowing exactly where I’m going and what I’ll find along the way? I don’t know. Maybe everyone feels this way but we’re all so good at faking it and acting confident when really we’re just all 15 year olds playing at life…

Do you feel like you’re an adult?

What’s the most scary ‘adult-like’ thing you’ve had to do?

Do you feel confident in the different areas of your life?

January 13, 2016

My road to Boston 2016

OK, I’m fully aware I’m risking things by dedicating a post to the subject of marathon training and my upcoming race… but here we go. Finger’s crossed I’m not jinxing anything.

I qualified for the Boston marathon last year at the Liverpool marathon and it was one of my favourite races of the year, if not ever (though it battles with the Cakeathon for that one…).

To qualify for Boston I needed a comfortable sub 3:35 to get in. Boston works on a tier entry system, so by qualifying either by over 20 minutes or 10 minutes, you have a good chance of getting in. Luckily my time was 3:24:06 which meant I could enter in the second tier of entries, guaranteeing me a place.

After doing some base-building through December, marathon training has fully begun now. Currently I’m about 14 weeks out from the race date. I won’t be doing week by week check-ins on my blog as I find these are really only interesting for the author (unless you want me to…?) and it’s really tempting fate to give me an injury. (I’m on Strava if you want to see all my runs though and I post a lot to Instagram).

My goals: Obviously a PB would be amazing. However, I’m not going to aim and train for one. I’d like to enjoy the atmosphere, soak in the sights and not risk injury. I’m going to Boston with my mum (my dad would come too but he can’t due to work) and we’re going to head to Cape Cod afterwards and not being injured would really help both of our enjoyments 😉 Plus it’s such an iconic race I’d like to remember it and not be watch-watching. The course is supposed to be quite challenging as well so letting off some pressure will help me enjoy it a bit more. Also, the worst thing (aside from injury) would be to finish the race feeling disappointed I hadn’t hit a certain time.

The plan: I’m loosely following the training plan I used for Liverpool as it seemed to work so well. But I won’t be sticking to it religiously as already I have different races and events coming up that means things are being tweaked. Ideally I’ll be running four times a week: a speed session (hills or intervals – probably going to be hills rather than intervals if I’m honest as that’s my preference), a medium run (6-8 miles), parkrun and a long run. I’m hoping to run 18 miles two or three times with possibly the Meon Plod 21 mile race (a hilly trail race, not to be raced!). My mileage will probably peak 35-40 miles but only briefly. Most of my weeks will be 25-30 miles. My body likes that best and I know I don’t need tons of mileage to run a marathon (at least to run the times I’m currently happy with).

Added extras: My love affair with the gym continues strong. I was able to maintain gym visits with Liverpool so I’m hoping to do the same. At the moment I’m gyming 4-5 times a week. It’s highly likely to drop to three sessions. Superfluous sessions which are purely for my own enjoyment and aesthetic purposes, like shoulders and arms, will be the first to go. I hope to maintain a legs, glutes and back day (with core work) as I find they’re very beneficial to running.Nutrition: All the cake all the time… 😉

And that’s it really. Obviously there is a fair amount of pressure to NOT GET INJURED as an expensive holiday (and expensive race) is on the cards here and my mum is coming with me. But if the worst comes to the worst and I do get injured and really cannot run the race, we’ll still go but just go to Cape Cod sooner rather than spend the time in Boston itself. I’m going to try and be sensible though and do most of my training (apart from interval sessions and parkruns) on my own as that way I can manage my own paces and stick to my plan. It worked for Liverpool so I’m hoping it will work again!

Are you aiming to run any specific races this year?

Where are you going on holiday?

Have you ever been to Boston before?

January 11, 2016

Those ribs though…

Marathon training has truly begun! I’m shattered. I did my first ‘proper’ long run yesterday and honestly I can’t imagine how I was able to run 16+ miles last year regularly!! But rolling back to Saturday…

I was really not feeling the parkrun love. This is really unusual for me as I’m a self-confessed parkrun addict. I sing its praises high and low, to runners and non-runners alike. I love it. But recently I’ve just felt a bit ‘meh’ about it. It’s likely that it’s a combination of some really rubbish weather, the winter course and the fact that I just don’t seem to be improving at all.

Saturday morning I was woken up by the bin men at 6.30am and my alarm was set for 7am and I just laid there thinking how much I didn’t want to go. Because I’d already said I’d help set-up and clear down I couldn’t just bail though, especially as sometimes they’re really stretched for people to help. I decided to put on some proper layers to stop myself being cold and miserable at least. I decided I’d much rather be overly hot for 25 minutes running but warm before and after. I could bring extra clothes to wear before we start (remember I’m there an hour before we run setting everything up) and then afterwards but it’s so much faff and I never have that much time from setting up and the run actually starting.

Anyway, basically I wore leggings and a long-sleeved top. Annoyingly it was actually quite a mild morning so I knew I was going to be very hot running but hey ho. Despite not really wanting to go, when I got there and saw my parkrun buddies (parkrun fwends! ;)) I cheered right up and, as always, enjoyed myself. I had to laugh as well as Geoff, one of the main Netley parkrun guys, had spent three hours cleaning the cones in the week.

They looked so shiny and clean… this did not last long!!

The run itself went OK. I still find the first lap really hard and the second one is more of a mental battle. I’m definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, a long distance runner. By mile three I was feeling more warmed up and I just want to finish and, similar to last week, put the pedal down and sped up. I’m getting good at these fast finishes!

My time was 23:40. Annoyingly still not getting quicker but quicker than previous recent weeks (not sure how I managed to get 22:59 in December!! Seems ridiculously hard at the moment).

I cannot wait for warmer and drier running as well. I get so muddy it’s ridiculous (and so does the inside of my car *sighs*). I also have to strip off in the shower otherwise I cover my floor with mud and dirt.The rest of the day was standard housework stuff and then I headed to my parent’s house. I had somehow managed to persuade them to go to Coast to Coast again (we went there last week). I know, I know, I’m a little obsessed. When I like a restaurant I tend to do it to death. I really fancied the ribs my granddad had last weekend and I literally could not stop dreaming about them. As my granddad was going home the next day it did seem a good way to say goodbye as he thoroughly enjoyed himself last week as well.

I went for the BBQ platter to share with my dad to start (same as I had here) and then I ordered the ribs for main. The funny thing is when I ordered them the waiter said to me, “I have to warn you, they’re a huge portion and it could be too much for you.” Erm, excuse me? I’m a whole-chicken-at-Nandos kinda girl, I think I’ll be fine thank you very much.I went for a dry rub rather than the BBQ sauce only because I really enjoyed it on the chicken wings I had and there was BBQ sauce on the table anyway. Out of all the ribs I’ve had (and I’ve had a lot) they were pretty damn good, but next time (which I’m sure there will be at some point…) I’ll go for the sauce as they weren’t as juicy as I like. Don’t get me wrong though, they were amazing. I was in meat heaven. By the time I got down to the last couple of ribs though I was really struggling. The meat sweats were starting 😉 But I finished them, much to the amusement of the waiter. Ha!We had a bit of a break and then decided on pudding. As I was ridiculously full I decided the carrot cake and ice cream that I was initially tempted by might push me over the edge and went for the brownie. The brownie was good but it wasn’t as dense as brownies normally are so it reminded me more of a fudge cake – which isn’t a bad thing! It came with chocolate honeycomb pieces on top and honeycomb ice cream, divine.

Then sleep needed to happen. Eating so much food is exhausting! I was slightly worried about my long run planned for the next day but the food was too good not to enjoy.

When I got up Sunday I actually felt fine, though I didn’t feel hungry (obviously) which I normally do in the morning when I wake up. I took Alfie for a walk and was pleased that the weather actually looked OK. Yes it was cold but there was barely any wind and no rain. Until 10 minutes into the walk and the heavens opened up. I decided it was time to get back home before both Alfie and I got soaked so I ran with him the last bit (I was wearing my running gear). I’ve never really run with Alfie before and he loved it! He was pulling me alone and really going for it. When I stopped, as I was worried I’d puff him out, he just kept trying to go on. And he’s speedy! I’m thinking he’s a 7min/mile dog (for at least a short distance anyway). He’s definitely more of a sprinter than me.

The rain didn’t seem like it was stopping any time soon and I wanted to get going so I popped my podcast on and headed out. It was tipping it down with cold rain and as I ran up the lane I seriously considered just giving up and stopping. I was soaked and cold. But I thought how much I’d regret not going and just sped up and got going. I was going too fast for my first mile but the incentive was to just get warm. Then the hail started and it seemed laughable. By the time I’d gotten a quarter of the mile up the road I was warm, into the flow and enjoying it. I saw other runners and cyclists and we all just smiled or laughed at each other at how ridiculous it was to be outside in such crappy weather – a king of “aren’t we mad??” sort of exchange.

I had a different route from normal which actually took me along the Stubbington 10k route, which I’m doing next Sunday. It was quite nice to see what it would be like on my own.

Stubbington 10k is a local race I’ve wanted to do for the past two years but haven’t been able to because of injury. The start is five minutes from my parent’s house walking so it’s perfect. I won’t be racing though as I plan to run some miles beforehand and make it into a nice social long run.

Anyway, my long run was a dream. I felt smooth running and in the zone. I’m going too fast again I know but it felt natural. I also think that this is just how I do my long runs (at least these middle distance long runs anyway). I did most of my long runs for Liverpool at a similar pace and it worked well. I find it doesn’t become such a shock on marathon day when the pace is just a little bit faster or similar. I could be dancing with injury risks I know but the whole run felt fine and I felt fine afterwards, albeit tired and, well, like I’d run 11 miles. It’s ridiculous to me how I can get into the groove and run these paces so easily in a long run but when it comes to parkrun it just doesn’t happen. I ran a 7.30min/mile for mile 11 and I can’t seem to do that easily in parkrun!!

I felt fantastic after finishing. Really chuffed with myself and strong. Fingers crossed this continues! I have to say though it was a good while until I was hungry. Those ribs certainly did a good job!

What was clear though was how unused to long runs I am. I was shattered for the rest of the day and once I was finally hungry and had breakfast I was like a bottomless pit. But it’s all part of the process, my body will adjust and the miles will increase. I do love marathon training when it goes well!

What did you do this weekend?

What’s the furthest you’ve ran recently?

Do you ever get really strong cravings for certain foods or meals that you just have to satisfy?

January 7, 2016

Southern Cross Country – Lord Wandsworth College

My running club take part in the Southern Cross Country League which runs, joyfully, all through the winter months. But I’ve previously avoided cross country races like the plague.

It’s never been something I was tempted by because I was convinced I hated it (the mud, the cold, the hills, the competitive element) and it’s frequently been at awkward times in the day like 1pm or 2pm. But when there was one over the Christmas break at a relatively normal time (11am) I really had no excuse but to go and try it. It’s free, loads of my club were doing it and the car-share point was a short walk from where I live.

Ridiculous I know, but I was quite nervous. My running has been more plodding lately and I wasn’t sure how mud and hills would go down with me. But there was a lovely crowd going and I felt more at ease. I had no goals; just get round, get the miles in and use it as a training run. See what my legs fancied doing when I got there basically.The weather was beautifully sunny, but fairly chilly. Still shorts and vest weather though – unbelievably at the end of December!

The course was two laps and I’d heard there was a nasty hill, which you’d therefore have to do twice. I did a little warm-up with the club and then headed to the start which was basically in a field. No one could hear what the race director was saying and we were all stood shivering just waiting until it was clear we were off.

It was a free-for-all at the start across the field until we got to the main course and then it was a case of finding your place in the line. I managed to overtake a chunk of people and then was stuck behind the person in front. This wasn’t so bad though as it forced you to pace yourself and you couldn’t go flat out. Well, you couldn’t really go flat out anyway as the trail was tricky under foot and very muddy in places.

Straight away my nerves disappeared and I was loving it. It was exciting, fun and required a lot of concentration for where to put your feet and what the person ahead of you was doing. We came to a bottleneck and everyone had to stop quickly, almost banging into each other, and then we were off again. It was just so different to normal road races where you’re go-go-go the entire time and focused on maintaining a certain pace. It was a completely different story. The course required you to pay attention and it involved jumping up verges, balancing along narrow pathways and slopping through ankle deep mud.

The downhills I took at breakneck speed to gain some places and get past people and then it was back to being behind someone. The infamous hill was a killer though. I’d already pre-planned to walk it (my friend, Chris, had advised this was the best way as it was so steep) so I took the time to catch my breath and plough on up. Some people attempted to run it but barely went faster than the walkers and most gave up and walked. Those who persevered with running were caught up again on the straight as they’d knackered themselves.

The second lap was even muddier due to all the people running over the course. I found myself smiling as I sloshed my way through the mud – happy to take the muddier route to get past a few more people who were teetering to the side.

I was putting in a good amount of effort and thoroughly enjoying myself. The miles ticked away quickly as you had no time to dwell on pace. Then it was the final stretch back to the start area (now the finish area).

Photo credit: Dan Bailey

The ground underfoot became even trickier as it was now wet grass rather than mud and dirt and slipping became a real risk. I pushed on, seeing the finish in the distance (you could see the finish from about a quarter of a mile away which was both depressing and motivating).

I finished first female in my running club and 18th female overall, which I was chuffed with! I was pleased with my paces as well. Not too shabby at all!

Everyone was covered in mud at the end. Some people washed the mud off in a large puddle but I was proud of my mud and left it be (plus I didn’t fancy getting cold and wet).

Also, how satisfying is picking dry mud of yourself? Just me…?

I was so chuffed with myself. I literally loved every minute of that race, tough as it was. It felt like an adventure and reminded me why I love the Cheddar Gorge and Stansted Slog trail races so much.

I hung around and cheered for the rest of my club and spent some time chatting with some of the guys at the club at the end…

Photo credit: Simon Sinclair

Not realising that a queue for the cake and tea had started!!

This wasn’t even all of the cake!

I knew there would be cake (you pay £1.50 for sandwiches, cake and tea) but I didn’t realise how bloody long the queue would be at the end. I might have got there a bit more sharpish. I started to get cake anxiety, fearing that all of it would be gone by the time I finally made it.

I needn’t have worried though… There was so much cake it was unreal. It’s funny because the line was also for the sandwiches but I just wanted cake so I asked if I could skip that line and just get to the cake bit (after queuing to get to the actual food area). I’d like to say it came as a surprise to my club that I had absolutely nothing savoury on my plate buuuut they know me too well.

That plate is pretty damn good if I do say so myself. Cake heaven!

So I’m now a cross country convert (and not just because of the cake…). There’s another race from the league at the end of January which I’m going to do as well which I’m looking forward to. I don’t know why I was so worried beforehand!

Have you ever run a cross country race before?

Do you like getting muddy when running?

What have you done recently that you were nervous about beforehand?

January 6, 2016

NY’s resolutions, parkrun overload and the National Trust

I’m not really one for New Year’s resolutions I have to be honest. I think the only thing I’d like to do better this year is not be late All. The. Time.

I’ve mentioned this before on my blog I’m sure but I just don’t leave myself enough contingency time. In the morning I won’t add in time for my ‘faffing’, i.e. tidying, swapping shoes at the last minute, forgetting stuff, spilling stuff… I’m a nightmare. I literally arrive everywhere at least 5 minutes late. So there we go, New Year’s resolution: be on time.

In terms of what I hope for the year, like I said in a previous post, I don’t really know. I just want to be happy. I’m not sure how that happiness will look though. I’m at a strange point in my life as everything I thought I was working towards changed very quickly. Basically my motto is “just keep swimming” (or I suppose in my case, just keep running). I have a lovely flat, Alfie, good friends and a very loving family so things are pretty good. I also have no real PB ambitions for the year, just healthy happy running. I’m still loving the gym so hopefully continue on with that and keep getting stronger.

On the subject of running… After the double parkrun on New Year’s Day I was starting to feel a tad parkrun’ed out. So many parkruns within a short amount of time! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret them and I’ll always love parkrun but the weather on the Saturday just gone was awful and for once I just fancied staying in bed.

It was cold, windy and very very wet. I didn’t really want to be there but life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows (especially not in Britain) so I got myself out of bed and down there.

At the start, after jokingly debating with a friend about sitting back in the car with the heat on, I de-layered and got ready to run. At least it made me want to run quickly (well, as quick as I can lately and with that wind). The winter route goes down along the seafront bit which was just horrendous with the wind. It comes straight off the water and hits you sideways. I ran with (well, held on to!) a running club friend, Jim, and he helped pace me until I was able to push on on the last lap, after having gotten a second wind (no pun intended…).

A fellow blogger, April, was there as well which was nice – she almost out-sprinted me at the end but she was too polite, bless her. Take no prisoners I say! 😉

I got 23:59 which I was happy with. Straight away after finishing I grabbed my coat. Normally I’m really hot after running but I was quickly back to being cold. We were a miserable lot packing parkrun up, soaked, cold and wind-swept. Come on springtime!

The shower I had at home felt so good. It was ridiculously hot and strong so it was amazing. I didn’t want to come out! Thankfully the rain and wind died down and my parents and me met up to go to the National Trust’s Mottisfont Abbey and gardens.

I made sure to wear my wellies! The rain mostly held off and we had a lovely time just walking around the grounds and house. It was very quiet so it was nice and peaceful.

Bottom right: David Breuer-Weil’s Alien

There was a crazy statue (sculpture? Not sure how to describe it) of what looked like a man with his head in the ground. Apparently it’s of an alien that had landed from space… Random but cool.

We had a nice little hot drink in the coffee shop (I love this about the National Trust, there are always coffee shops!). I forwent the cake as I wasn’t fancying it (shock horror, I know) due to the Christmas excesses I’d been readily indulging in. After eating everything under the sun I’m ready to ease back into normal eating (I suppose cake eating is my normal eating though…).

I’m tempted to get a National Trust pass as it’s such a nice way to spend a day and we have several locations near us (for non-UK readers, National Trust is a conservation organisation that looks after historic buildings, gardens and areas and you can pay to look around them). It’s nice to have somewhere to walk and look around. Something to ponder over anyway for the future!

What weather do you really dislike? Mine is wind. I can deal with rain and cold, but wind is a killer.

What day trips do you enjoy?

What National Trust sites have you been to?